2010

Usually, at the end of a year, I am excitedly looking forward to the next year, completely forgetting what happened the previous year, as if the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. This year, I am taking time to reflect back on last year and how awesome it was.

***I have to go back to 2009 for a moment and be amazed by the birth of my first nephew, Joseph Howard Sparhawk!!!***

The first major event of 2010 was on May 13 when Miss Deoborah Lucille Oliver made her appearance!!!

Then, on July 11 was the birth of Mr. James Lee Sparhawk!!!

This has been a great year!!! I have a beautiful niece, two beautiful nephews and awesome friends and family!!! I finished my third semester of nursing school...by far the hardest one!!! Now I'm looking forward to my last semester...AMAZING!!!

I have grown a lot this last year, there have been amazing times and some heartbreaking times. Through it all though, I have become a better person. I am looking forward to next year though. I will graduate in May and hopefully become a registered nurse in June. (I don't know for sure how long the process is from graduation to taking boards)

All in all, 2010 was a great year. I am looking forward to an even better year in 2011! I hope that you all have a blessed New Year!!!

Why can't life just have an easy button?

You know the Staples commercials, with the big red "Easy" button...I need one of those. Actually, I need it for some very dear people in my life who are going through some very rough stuff. It sucks, and I don't like it, but it's one of those things that has to happen, things have to be dealt with and there is going to be some hurt involved. Then there will be healing, and the healing makes all the hurt "worth it", if you will, but it doesn't make it suck any less. That's the truth. I know that an easy button really wouldn't fix it, but it would be nice to have either that or a magic wand. I say that a lot, I would like to "wave my magic wand" and fix it but really, I don't know if I would. It makes me think of that movie where all you have to do is press a button and you get a million dollars, but someone you don't know will die. It's always a catch 22 with a bandaid fix. The process helps us to grow, but the process really sucks. If life were easy, it wouldn't be the same, we would take everything for granted and what kind of people would we be then?

It's one of those situations that there are a million things that you want to say, but can't because you know you can't fix it, they have to. It's like watching your child do something that you know is wrong but you know you have to let them make the mistake so that they can learn from it. It sucks, and we all would like to keep everyone in our lives from having to do it, but it just doesn't work that way. I think the worst part of this whole thing is that their immediate family really isn't supporting them. I don't get it. Obviously, none of us are perfect and we all have our crosses to bear, but isn't it more helpful to help someone carry their cross than to make it a bigger burden? I think it is but don't misunderstand, I'm no saint. I deserve no holiday but I hate to see people hurt. I want them to be happy and content. Maybe content is a better word because we can't always be happy...life just doesn't work that way. However, if there is contentment underneath it all, things are more bearable. I'm learning to be content...it's a long hard road. It would be nice to pretend that all is well all the time but this isn't a Lifetime special, this is life and it's hard. I just think that your family should be there to support you regardless of their opinion of the situation. They also shouldn't judge, they have no right, no one does. If you have never been in another person's shoes then you can't judge their decisions...I don't care what you've been through. Even if you've been through the same situation, it was different, because it was your experience. Just because you or I wouldn't make the same decision in the same situation doesn't make one of us right and one of us wrong, it just makes us different. That's why the world is an interesting place, people are different and interesting. This is not to say that there are not definite rights and definite wrongs but emotional issues aren't usually that black and white.

Anyway, I just needed to put this out there. Keep my family in your thoughts and prayers, things are gonna get rough, but we're gonna make it.

It's almost Christmas...

Today I had lunch at the Olive Garden with the girls...it was wonderful. Some of them brought gifts...I didn't, made me feel like a slouch but they still love me. I miss my girls, and I think it's going to be really weird next May when I'm not in school with these girls anymore...they have become my family. I'm happy to have spent part of my Christmas with them. These girls are my family, at least they have become part of my family. I know that I will probably be friends with most of them for the rest of my life. Will we see each other every day, probably not, but we'll exchange texts, emails and Christmas cards. We might even meet for lunch on my trips back to Amarillo...who knows? However, they have each touched my heart in a special way and that's what Christmas is all about.

I will have Christmas with my actual family on Christmas eve & Christmas day. We'll be at my parents' house on Christmas eve and then at the in-law's for Christmas day. It's gonna be spectacular and we're not really exchanging gifts. We're doing a gift card exchange at my parents and then stocking stuffers and food with his parents. None of us have much money to spend this year so we're just gonna hang out and have a good time!!! I'm excited about seeing the niece and nephews, they're growing so fast. It all happens way too fast. Maybe next year we'll have a little one running around too...who knows? Hopefully the in-laws will have at least two grandkids running around or on the way. Who knows? That's one of those things that we have no control over but we can hope for.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a blessed new year. I hope that you have time with your family, be they blood or otherwise and that the new year brings you the blessings you hope for.

PYHO

As I sit here watching The Hills, I realize that I have a toxic friendship that I have to end. I have my very own personal Heidi and I have to let her go. I wish this wasn't the case but it is. This is another person in my life who will never get it together because she can't let go of things from her past. She isn't a bad person but she is very selfish and never apologizes. Everything is everyone else's fault, the last argument we had, I had her on speaker so that my husband could hear and he agrees with me, it's always my fault, in her eyes anyway. I hate having to do this, I wish that I was strong enough not to let these people into my life but this friendship began when I was young and I thought that I could help people change. I realize that's not really the case, nor is that my place in life. Unfortunately, adults have to choose to change on their own. We, as their friends, can gently prod them in a certain direction but ultimately they have to choose their own path. Sadly, they sometimes choose the path that leads them the opposite direction of where we want them to go and the friendship has to come to an end. If a friendship feels like a burden and you constantly feel guilty, even though you know you've done nothing wrong, then the relationship isn't healthy and it needs to end. We need friends who are mutually there for us as we are for them and this particular relationship is not that way. I have gotten two calls from this person in the last several days and I have chosen not to answer. I wish that I could sit down and talk to her but it won't work. She doesn't really see reason when it comes to herself, which makes me sad. I think that she has potential to be a great friend but she has to learn to deal with things and learn to relate to people aside from that. It all boils down to a commitment issue, something that she has to fix on her own and obviously, I can't help her. I have tried and I surrender to the fact that I can't because, at this point, she refuses to accept the help. I hate this and I hate this feeling. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach, my stomach is churning even as I write this. I wish that I knew what to say and how to say it so that I could tell her why but she is unable to hear it, I have tried. The last conversation we had, I tried to tell her but she wouldn't hear me and I just can't do it anymore...and it sucks.

Life as we know it...

In 6 months, scratch that 5 months, my life will change dramatically. I am going to graduate with my associate degree in nursing. I'm going to take a test, otherwise known as the Nclex or state boards, and I will be a nurse. Wow...that really just sort of hit me. I mean, it's been on the brink for the whole last semester but there were times that I wasn't sure that I would be able to survive it so I tried to look away. Now it's here and it's official. I was officially a level 4 nursing student as of last Thursday. It blows me away. In 5 months, I will have an impact on people's lives...literally. This is a good thing, but it scares me to death quite honestly. I believe that I am getting the base knowledge that I need to be the best nurse that I can be and yet, there's still much to be learned. I don't know for sure where I want to work but pediatrics was just too awesome. If I thought I could handle it emotionally, I would move to Tennessee and work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital...but I don't know if I'm that strong. I cry whenever the commercials are on and I'm getting a little teary eyed just thinking about it so...there ya go. I'm also very interested in working critical care and I don't care which unit. I would have a choice of CCU (cardiac care unit), SICU (surgical intensive care unit) or MICU (medical intensive care unit). Any of these options appeals to me, especially cardiac care. I got a taste of cardiac in my last med surg rotation and I think I might have found my home...but then there's the little ones and I loved that. I loved newborn nursery too and pediatric icu so who knows? I think I like the intensive care whether it be adult or children. I would love to work at a teaching hospital and do pediatric intensive care...but I don't know that we'll end up in a place that has that. You pretty much have to be in the city for that and the hubs is not a city person. I totally am, which shocks me but he isn't and we both have to be happy, so we'll compromise by living somewhere beautiful and in the mountains. We're going to end up back in Colorado, perhaps in the same place that we were living before we came back to the Texas Panhandle but who knows. I know that we'll go where ever I get a job. I think that we'll be staying here in Texas for a year so that I can get a little nursing experience under my belt. Not that it would matter, I could get a job anyway but we'd like to pay off some debt and save some money before we move. We're planning to find a place and build a house and you can't just do that, without money, so we're gonna get all that worked out. I think this is so scary because I'm/we're starting a new chapter of our lives. I'm going to have a career versus just having a job and then the hubs is going to school. He's had a career, he went to school, but it's definitely time for him to make a change. This career isn't what he wants to do for the rest of his life and now's as good a time as any to make a change. It makes my head spin to think that at this time next year, I will have been in my career for about six months. My classmates and I are planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate. We're waiting six months because it's HOT in Vegas in May and we want to have time to save some money so we can have some fun. I'm going to start working on my bachelor's in January and then decide if I want to go on to get my master's or be content with a bachelor's degree. I really don't know, there are pros and cons to both sides and right now I'm leaning towards a master's but I'll make the final decision when I have my bachelor's. I can't see the future so I don't know what will be happening in my life then, I may decide that a bachelor's is enough and that I want to live my life. I know me though and somehow I feel like I will be able to make a bigger impact as a nurse practicioner and so getting a master's will more than likely be the path I'll choose. If I were in my twenties, I would go to medical school...but I'm in my thirties and I would rather start my career now and work through the rest of my schooling. You can't exactly do that in medical school, working is hardly an option. I know of one school that will allow you to work eight hours a week but no more, which makes sense because there is a lot of studying to be done. Anyway, it's not as if you can just walk up to a medical school and register and go, you have to be accepted and that is a process. I just don't really want to take the time for that. I don't want to put my life on hold so that I can go to school. I know that you don't have to put your life on hold but I think that's what I would choose for me because that would work better, in my mind. Anyway, it's 10:04 and I think it's time to get up and make a pot of coffee, there is football to be watched. Ciao!!!

I don't know about me sometimes...

It's 3:44am and I am still awake. I'm kinda tired but I really want to wake up the hubs and head to Ihop for some coffee and pancakes. However, he's in there snoring and I have a feeling that he wouldn't be too keen on me waking him up right now. I'm going to be really tired tomorrow but since I don't have to go to work, it's all good. I've been reading blogs, well, catching up on some of them and for a split second, I thought about studying for my pediatrics final. But seriously, I don't think studying at this hour would be productive, even if I did have some Ihop coffee!!! I have really got to stop thinking about that because it's making my mouth water. They have cinnamon roll pancakes that are to die for...but that really isn't on my diet and they're pretty rich so two is my limit. I just really want some pancakes and coffee. Yeah, we have frozen waffles and I can make coffee but really, who wants to do that?!?!? Perhaps someone is awake and if I post my wish on facebook, someone will want to go with me...but that would definitely wake the hubs up and I don't know that he would appreciate it. He just cleared his throat so perhaps not. The gooberhead is asleep on the couch and I have gone in there several times to tell him to come to bed but he won't. He'll be annoyed in the morning but I tried and I give up. Things can get a little ugly if I get "pushy" when I want him to come to bed.

We were going to go play some golf in the morning but there's supposed to be a cold front coming in so I don't think we're going to go. The good ole iPhone says it's 46 and feels like 37 outside plus I keep hearing the wind blow so I think golf is out. I don't think a windy day would be a great day to play my first game of golf either...I mean, I doubt I'm gonna be Tiger Woods on my first golf outing and adding wind well...I just think that's a bad idea!!! When I say wind, I'm talking Texas Panhandle wind, where there's nothing to block it and it's madness. They call Chicago "The Windy City" but I'm quite certain that there's more wind here in good old Amarillo, Tx!!! Plus, when the wind blows, it doesn't mess around...LOL!!! Some days I don't really want to drive because the wind could blow my Durango over and the light poles are swaying, along with the traffic lights...it's just crazy!!!

So, instead of golf, I think I'm going to make Hubs take me to the movies!!! Harry Potter and the Deathy Hallows is out and I really want to see it. I just finished reading the book a few months ago because I was a little bit annoyed that it was the last one and I just didn't want to read it. It was good, the ending was totally predictable but hey, the good guy's supposed to win so there you have it. It was the best book, I think but it was a little harder to read. I need to go back and re-read the whole series but that will have to wait until Christmas break. I'm gonna re-read the Twilight books too. I'm a little annoyed that Breaking Dawn: Part 1 isn't out yet...I thought it was supposed to come out last month, apparently, I was wrong. So I googled it and found out that it was supposed to have come out November 18th but clearly, that did not happen. So it might be 2012?!?!? That's just unacceptable...especially since it's a two part movie and I don't want to wait years between the two movies. I honestly don't even want to wait a year but I suppose the actors will need a break between filmings dangit...but if they didn't take one, it would be done...I'm just sayin'!

Oh well...it's now 3:59 and I have run out of things to say...plus I am sleepy and I'm noticing that typing is becoming harder. I'm having to use the backspace key a lot...so perhaps I should go to sleep...but who knows, I might just go get some Ihop coffee and see how the rest of the day goes...

Grief

Grief is a funny thing, not funny haha, funny strange. You think you have it under control and WHAM, it knocks you in the back of the head. After a while, you start to process and return to life as it was but something is still different. I have been through several different grieving processes over the last few weeks. First, I found out, about 3 weeks ago, that my sister-in-law was pregnant. That was extremely bittersweet news. I was happy for her, sad for me. I've been waiting to get pregnant for 12 years...but, that's not the issue. I was still happy for her, it was just hard. I was really getting adjusted to that news when she found out today that she lost the baby. She was 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. They don't really know what happened, they think it might have been an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy...but still, it just sucks. I also saw on facebook the other day where a guy that I know lost his son...it's not been the best three weeks, for sure. So now, I'm having to continue to grieve but in a whole different way...I just don't like it. Especially for her and Brad...it just sucks. As sad as I was that she was pregnant and I wasn't I certainly didn't want her to lose the baby...not even for a second. So, just as I was getting used to the idea of her having a baby...suddenly, she's not and that's not any better. I want to go back to the way it was...but we can't. We just have to move forward...but it won't be easy. I just hope that no one close to us turns up pregnant anytime soon...that would be really hard. So, if you're reading this, and you're praying folk, pray for our family, and my friend who lost his son and his family, because we need it.

Wow!!! 2 months...really???

To say that this semester has been hectic would be the understatement of the century, for sure. This semester has been crazy busy and FAST!!! Holy smokes, it's nearly over too and it feels like it just started!!! Two more weeks and this semester is OVER!!! (I believe that I hear the Hallelujah Chorus, faintly!!!) I have a love hate relationship with my pediatrics class. I really thought that I would love it...but I don't, for the most part. I'm passing and that's important but because I've always had a love for children, I thought I would do really well. The instructor is just very hard...crazy hard. She asks us master's level questions and we're not even RNs yet!!! Still, I am determined to survive this semester and move on. My other class is going very well, it could be going better but I am spending all my time studying for pedi. I could be doing better in med surg but at this point, I'm happy with what I got. I'm just in it to win it!!! It kind of shocks me that in six months I'll be graduating...shocks and amazes me. It seems like I started yesterday and years ago all at the same time. It's very exciting and overwhelming. I have missed blogging but I just haven't had the time. I really need to be writing papers right now but I am just basking in the glow of the fact that I passed the pedi test today. I'll worry about writing my papers this weekend...I have clinicals Thursday and Friday so I won't be writing them then!!! Sorry for the long break, I was just swamped!!! Happy Tuesday everyone!!!

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday...on Thursday

It's been crazy around here. I started school last week and it is fast and furious. I am scared to death and yet, I know I can do it. Everything kind of cemented today when I was talking to my sister who is already planning her trip for next May to see me graduate. Wait what?!?!? Graduate?!!?!? I just started school!!! Ok, it's actually been a year and a half ago that I started but it seems like yesterday and ten years ago, all at the same time. I am super excited and scared to death about graduation. I am getting a great education and I will be a great nurse...but it's so scary, and final. It kind of sunk in today and now I'm a little freaked out. This is what I wanted, it's why I decided to go to nursing school but really, do I have what it takes to be a nurse? On one hand, I say yes but it makes my stomach hurt. I'm planning on continuing on and getting my masters as well but...that's just too much to even consider right at the moment.

This semester seems so much busier and harder than any other semester. I am taking two classes, pediatrics and med surg. This is my third semester of med surg, so I don't feel like I'm going to have a lot of trouble with this class. Plus, several of my friends took it this summer and they said that if I'll just go to class and pay attention, I shouldn't have any trouble. Pediatrics scares me to death!!! I love kids, I think that clinicals will be a blast. I can't wait to take care of kids...but, this class is SCARY!!! I have been reading and trying to do everything to keep up but the book is like a powerful sedative. It's very dry and I'm having a hard time reading it. I understand what I read but it's just not easy to read...I don't really enjoy it. I like to read, anything really. I haven't had any trouble reading my other textbooks but this one is killing me! I don't know why. This class is very intense, our professor expects a lot from us, as well she should. Kids can't always tell you what's going on or they don't know enough words to express themselves so it's important to be extremely precise as a pediatric nurse. I guess I wonder if I have the capacity. I thought that pediatrics might be one of the areas I wanted to work but now I don't know if I have what it takes...it just scares me. I plan on spending a lot of this weekend studying. Granted, I'll be in Angelfire with my friend but we can do some studying. She's a nursing student too and none of us turn study time down, especially with friends.

I can think of two things that brought this anxiety on. First, my sister making plans to come to my graduation and then we had clinical orientation today and we are going to have a lot more responsibility. Of course, we are getting more and more responsibility as we progress through the program but still, it's just scary. The funny thing is, until now, I was completely confident in my abilities...what changed? I don't know but I gotta get it together because I have some reading to do for pediatrics! ;)

GTKY Sunday

*to play..copy the questions..post them..then come back here and link up..it's super fun!*

The Q's.

1. If you could host a Reality TV show, which one would it be?

I would want to host "The Next Food Network Star" with Bobby Flay. I love Food Network, it makes me wish I could cook.

2. Do you put your seatbelt on before or after you start the car?
before

3. Shave or hair removal cream?
shave, hair removal cream usually burns me

4. What's your favorite feature in a house?
the master suite

5. What is your favorite "Fall" scent?
pine

6. What tv show are you looking forward to seeing the most this Fall??
Criminal Minds

7. Personal Shopper or Personal Chef?
Chef, no one can shop for me...that's kinda retarded anyway!

8. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of "Fall"?
jeans & sweatshirts

101st Post!!!

Congratulations to me!!! This is my 101st post. I posted my 100th this morning and didn't even realize it. I have a new awesome blog layout thanks to Writer Girl who is awesome and you should check out her blog! Her "critters" are HILARIOUS!!! I actually had a point when I started to post this which I have now forgotten...oh well. I just wanted to do something special for my 101st post!

I'm a little bit sad that I won't be able to be blogging as much once school starts...it will keep me very busy. I love to participate in all the different meme's throughout the week. I have the Monday Minute with Ian. I have Post-It-Note Tuesday with Supah. I have Pour Your Heart Out on Wednesday with Shell. I have Friday Confessional with Glam. I have nothing on Thursdays right now...but that could change, for a short time. School is going to cut into my blog time...stupid school!!! LOL!!! Of course, once I graduate next May it will be better but I won't be finished with school...so...it's kind of a no win situation.

I'm kind of amazed at how much I've been blogging since I've been on break from school. I did a little blogging during school, about different topics and things that touched me in some way. I love this blog, it's my free therapy and I just like to do it. I don't think that I am meant to be a writer but I do enjoy it. I would like to write a fiction book at some point in my life. I've started several but nothing ever comes of it. I did join The Lady Bloggers Society which is supposed to help me with my writing. I've thought of taking some creative writing classes also. I have some creativity...I just don't channel it well. I think I channel it best through blogging, for now. I would like to do other things though, such as write a book. I wrote a "bucket list" blog a while back. If you would like to read it, go here. Anyway, there are a lot of things that I want to do...but a lot of things can't really be accomplished until I finish school.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about the different blog meme's that I participate in. I forgot one, Getting to Know You Sunday with Keely. There are some amazing blogs out there...and I have only found a fraction of them. I wish that I had more time to spend reading blogs...but I guess I have to have a life! I have a great husband, a great family and an amazing group of friends. So I am going to go sit and watch tv with the hubs!!! Have a super weekend everyone!!!

Friday Confessional

I have a lot to confess today. First of all, I haven't been to Friday confessional in who knows how long. I have a million things to do today and yet I sit here on my booty reading blogs. Now I'm typing one which makes me a little more productive but not really. I start school on Tuesday and so I will probably be participating in the blog world much less. Nursing school keeps me super busy...I have kind of a love/hate relationship with it. However, the upside is, I'm on the downhill slope so I'm excited!!! I will graduate in May with my associate degree in nursing. Then it's on to my bachelors and masters! I'm pretty excited about that too.

I kind of got my feelings hurt the other day. My husband's aunt told me that I should at least wait a year before going to get my masters because I might like "just" being a floor nurse. I put the just in quotes because I know those nurses work their butts off and deserve more than a just, I also know that she didn't mean it that way having been a floor nurse herself. Still, it hurt my feelings because I've never been so sure of anything in my life...but then again, she may be right. Who knows? Perhaps I should just get over it because I know she didn't mean it that way!

I am trying desperately to get a job. I need one, I don't want one. However, in order to have all the things that I want, I'm going to have to get a job. Plus, getting on at one of the hospitals here will ensure that I have a job after graduation. I don't know if we're staying here after I graduate but we might, it just depends. I think we will most likely though because the hubs needs knee surgery. I'm hoping that if I get a job he'll be able to go ahead and have it though!

That's all I can think of at the moment! Happy Friday everyone!!! Go link up with Glam to play along!

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

If you want to pour your heart out, go link up with Shell. Please remember that people are pouring their hearts out and to be respectful in your comments! :)

Well, I had about three-quarters of a blog typed when my computer decided to close the window...which is totally irritating...so I decided to pour my heart out about something different. My previous post was about school and getting my master's and having people give me advice about it but as I sat here, I thought about something else that I've been thinking a lot about lately.

I am not entirely sure that I want to have kids. I think that makes me sound really selfish and I have to admit that some of the reasons that I don't want kids are selfish. I will have more money and more free time. However, my other reasons, I think, are totally unselfish. I don't want my kids to have to go through the things that I did, not that my childhood was terrible, it was pretty idyllic if anything but being a kid is hard. I think being a parent might be even harder. I read lots of blogs where mothers are worried about things for their children and I wonder if I am capable of that. I also feel like I will be being selfish by choosing to work. I don't think I have it in me to be a stay at home mom. I admire the women who do, I just don't think it's me. I enjoy my life as it is right now...minus the craziness of school. I enjoy being able to go and do whenever and whatever I want without having to worry about getting a baby sitter or having enough money to take the kids with me. I'm afraid that I'll make the wrong decision when it comes to public school versus home school. I know that I will not be a perfect parent, I don't expect that, but what if I make a mistake that screws my kid up forever? Maybe this is perfectly normal to feel this way...I don't know. It's weird because up until now, having kids has always been something that I wanted and lately, I seem to be leaning the opposite way. In fact, a previous PYHO post was about my fertility struggles. (If you want to read it go here. It was actually a Friday confessional, not a PYHO but same vein.)

Here lately, we have been surrounded by a lot of drama with some of the kids we know. I don't want to see my kids have to go through some of the things that they are. One set is dealing with divorce and I'm not worried about my kids dealing with that, the hubs and I are solid. However, it makes me sad to think that my teenager might have to give another teenager advice about dealing with divorce. I had friends whose parents got divorced and I gave them the best advice that I could but I didn't really know what they were going through, my parents were still married. I don't know, it just seems that there are a lot of decisions when it comes to kids and I don't know if I have the capability of making them. Not only that but I'm 33, I don't even want to start trying again, if we decide to go that route, until I graduate. I'll be 34 and considered high risk, regardless. So that sucks too. I don't want to have to struggle through all of that fertility stuff again either and I know that we'll have to. At least we know what we're dealing with but getting pregnant won't be a snap either. I don't know, it's not that I think I'll be this terrible parent, I just don't know if I want to...and that makes me feel like I'm selfish. I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews. I also love having my house to myself and having my hubby to myself. I like being able to spend money on things that I want and not forego it because one of my kids needs something. I like being able to plan a trip on the spur of the moment...and yeah, there's a lot of I's in those statements. So maybe I am just selfish...I don't know....

Post-It-Note-Tuesday

To make post-its, go here. Then go link up with Supah!!!

Monday Minute

If ya wanna play, go link up with Ian! Kimber is cohosting this week!!!

If you could have plastic surgery, would you? If so, what would you get done?
Yep, I would have my boobs done and some lipo and my lips...I think that's it though.

What laws have you broken?
Well, I speed...pretty much every time I drive...and there are some other ones but I can't tell all my secrets!!!

What is your quirkiest habit?
I separate m&m's and skittles when I eat them. I've done it since I was a little kid, it's my OCD thing.

If you only had 3 songs to listen to for the rest of your life what would they be?
Um...this is super hard. I love music and I don't know if I would survive having only 3 songs to listen to.
"You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon
"We're Not Gonna Take It" by Bif Naked (the original is awesome but this one's harder)


"You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin" by David Allan Coe

How often do you have sex?
2-3 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less...just depends.

GTKY Sunday

 

 Go link up with Keely to play!!!

 

The Q's.

1. What kind of athlete has the hottest body?

2. Are you a planner or a procrastinator?

3. Diet or regular (soda)?

4. What's your one "must have" for Fall?

5. What's your favorite fast food restaurant?

6. What do you think is the sexiest profession for a guy?

7. Did you wear braces?

8. Would you rather have a guy that's super sexy or kind?

-----------------------------------------------

1. What kind of athlete has the hottest body?

I personally like football players because I like the big guys, with big shoulders!

2. Are you a planner or a procrastinator?
Oh I am a total procrastinator...I plan but I usually don't get around to it...LOL

3. Diet or regular soda?
I drink regular coke...diet stuff is just nasty and it's worse for you!!!

4. What's your one "must have" for Fall? 
 I don't have one...I would like lots of things but being a student without a full time job, I just can't have anything yet! :) I'm excited about football though!!!

5. What's your favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Villa or Chik-Fil-A

6. What do you think is the sexiest profession for a guy?
I think men that work hard, at any profession are sexy! I know of enough that don't work at all and that's just pathetic!!!

7. Did you wear braces?
Yes, I wore those torture devices for 3 1/2 years...

8. Would you rather have a guy who's super sexy or kind?
Kind because that makes them sexy!          

Grr...

I really wanted to change my layout to this cute thing from shabbyblogs.com but I can't...it's very annoying. They had tons of cute layouts but alas, I am not savvy enough for that!!! I decided to go clean out my email after that because I have one of my six, yes six emails because I get a LOT of newsletters. I unsubscribed and deleted until I was down from 800 or so to 300 or so...crazy, I know. I need to stay on top of that account but I don't and then I just get overwhelmed!!!

I read an interesting article about retiring to Belize on Yahoo. Then I read an article about the seven cheapest places to retire. One of them was Mexico...as if I didn't know that but how safe is that?!?!? I would think not very...but that's just my opinion! France was listed which sort of shocked me. Obviously, I never looked into retiring overseas but you never know. The couple that retired in Belize live off of their social security!!! Yeah, that's all they live off of!!! I doubt that I'm going to move overseas when I retire...but you never know. At least I have the option, if I want. Plus, the article mentioned something about being able to retire as early as 40!!! That's just seven years away!!! I won't be ready to retire then I don't think, but if I am, Belize here I come!!! LOL!!!

I think I have fooled around long enough on the internet for now!!! I have to go get dressed and stuff!!! Have a super awesome Friday everyone!!!!

My mission should I choose to accept it...

I was trying to figure out what to blog about today...so I read through all of the PYHO posts trying to come up with something. I got several great ideas but none of them were really what I "wanted" to blog about today. I was struggling...and then it hit me. Mission:Declutter. I have a serious clutter problem in my house. I like stuff, so I buy it, or someone gives it to me or I find it...I could go on forever here but seriously, I have too much stuff.

The hubs and I live in a house that's approximately 1200sq ft. It's a decent size for us, since we don't have kids, although I still think it's too small. We are big people, even when we're "skinny" and we have two big dogs and a cat. There is NO WAY that a baby would fit in this house!!! (Yes we have an extra bedroom but it's the computer room and the cat box room so clearly the baby couldn't go there!!!) Obviously, if we had to make room, we would but I really don't want to. I know, that sounds really bad of me but it's true, I don't want to have a baby while I live in this house. It's a cracker box...too small. I'm not saying that I want 10,000sq ft, that's just ridiculous and I don't make and won't ever make enough money to pay someone else to clean it, so there goes that idea. Honestly, I don't need that much space and I don't think that I ever will, I just don't see it...unless we have eight kids or something but I don't plan on that!

Anyway, back to my mission. I am going to declutter my house. Sometimes I think I have a problem, then I watch "Hoarders:Buried Alive" and realize that I don't. I'm just lazy. That is the unfortunate truth...but I am going to change that because being lazy for 33 years is long enough!!! I start looking around me and I start to get completely overwhelmed...but then, I did this to myself so, I can undo it. Yes, it's going to be a long hard road and I am not going to like it, but it must be done. Good bye clutter!!! I'm sure that I will miss it and my house will NEVER be spotless but I can minimize the clutter.

Here's a picture of my desk...just so you have an idea. I'm going to start in my bathroom because it's the smallest room in the house and I am going to be better able to make headway there. This is going to be a process but I hope to have it completed by August 19th. I'll keep you updated!!!
P.S. I have decided on the order in which I'm decluttering: bathroom, bedroom, living room, dining room, den, laundry room, kitchen, computer room!

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

If you're interested in "pouring your heart out", go link up with Shell. And now for our friendly public service announcement, "Just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should be respectful in our comments".  

Today I decided that I would post about how super-sensitive I am. I've always been this way, I get my feelings hurt easily but I don't always say anything because I would never want to hurt someone else's feelings, even if they hurt mine first. It's not as if I run around bawling my eyes out about every little comment that people make, I am better about not letting everything get to me, but some things really do. I tend to take it very personally when someone doesn't like me, for whatever reason. The person that I was speaking of in my last couple of PYHO posts is one of those. It really truly hurts my feelings, or it did, that this person doesn't like me. I didn't realize it until I was talking to one of my sisters about it and she said that it hurt my feelings. *lightbulb* That statement was extremely helpful in figuring out how I really felt about that whole situation and helped me come to terms with it.

Yesterday, I found out that I was not eligible for rehire at one of the hospitals here and it really hurt. The situation in which this came about is long and drawn out and very dramatic and I'm not going to rehash it here. Mainly because I think that's inappropriate considering that I am applying for a job there. Needless to say, I'm certain that I did the right thing but I ended up getting fired for it. I still stand by what I did but the actual firing was supposedly because a doctor made a complaint against me. I doubt very seriously that happened. I wish I'd had the guts to call that doctor's office and check it out for myself but I didn't. Part of it was that I hated my job and I was looking for a way out and I was naive enough to think that it didn't matter, but it did. I was a little self-satisfied and stupid, but I was young. That was during my first round of nursing school and I just didn't realize how important some things are. Had I known then what I know now, I would have fought it. I don't know that I would have wanted to stay in that particular department because I'm certain they would have made my life a living hell. I tried to rectify the situation anyway by taking the weekend night shift and they wouldn't have it and I thought that was all I could do.

Anyway, the fact that they marked me eligible for rehire really hurt my feelings at first but then it made me really angry. These particular people had sent me to a counselor because they said that I was hard to work with. The counselor said, and I quote, "You do know that you're too smart to be working in that department, right"? Now, that makes me sound very arrogant and believe me, I'm not. I know that I am smart, but I also know that I am not the smartest person on the planet, there are people who are much smarter than I am but not everyone is, especially these particular people. The counselor went on to say that jealousy had a lot to do with the whole situation and he was right. I was the only one in school in the entire department, at least that I was aware of. I was getting an actual degree, not the certificates that the director had. Now, I am not putting the director down, perhaps that was all he was capable of but on the other hand, circumstance could have prevented a further degree. I don't know nor do I claim to know. I do know that in this particular instance, those certificates didn't qualify this person for a director's position. I should have known when I got sent to the counselor that the firing was coming, apparently they were smarter than I gave them credit for at the time. They led me like a lamb to the slaughter. Oh well, I forgive them, they're the ones who have to answer for what they did.

But, as usual, I digress. So back to the fact that it made me very angry. I ranted and raved about all of their mistakes and missteps, thinking that would make me feel better, and it did somewhat, but I feel much better about the whole thing today. I figured out that I take things too personally. While I do feel that the course of action that they took when they fired me was personal, I'm over it. I know what I have to do to resolve it and I will get it taken care of. I am getting a thicker skin than what I used to have but deep down, things still bother me. It's why I talk about things over and over, I am trying to figure out in my head what I did wrong when I just need to stop and look at the situation for what it is. If I would take the time to figure out that I don't have as much power and control as I assign myself sometimes, I would realize that a lot of what happens to me or how people treat me isn't personal. This is an epiphany but it takes some time to make my brain believe it.

That being said, I hope everyone has a great Wednesday and takes the opportunity to "Pour Your Heart Out"!

WHAT?!?!?!

Wow, I love when you get information that would make a huge difference in the way you approach things, especially after you've been working really hard to make something happen and then you get blindsided with the information! I found out today that I am ineligible for rehire at one of the hospitals here in town. I have been applying for jobs and talking to different people and sending my resume and such an NO ONE told me that I was ineligible, not even the people in the human resources. SERIOUSLY?!?!? Um, that would have been extremely helpful to know, I could have started the appeals process much sooner but no, I had no idea. Thank goodness that the nurse recruiter called me today and told me. She also told me what to do to appeal that status. I have talked to the human resources department multiple times in the last several months and they failed to tell me this little nugget of information. It would suck to tell someone that, I understand that but why give someone a false sense of hope??? Why not just tell them? I am going to take my letter of appeal to the hospital tomorrow. I hope that I will be able to speak to the director of human resources so that I can get this situation straightened out.

The worst part of this is that I got fired for doing the right thing...I won't go into details but suffice it to say that a supervisor was having a relationship with another employee and it caused a huge amount of chaos. I tried to go to the director multiple times but was told to go to that supervisor. I told the director repeatedly that this supervisor was part of the problem but he refused to listen. The employee left her email open and a friend of mine printed them out so I took them to human resources as a last resort. Then I got in major trouble in my department for not using the chain of command, which I had, and then I subsequently got fired for a supposed "infraction". I should have checked the validity of this infraction because I'm sure that it was untrue. I did what I was supposed to and documented it but that didn't make any difference in the end...mainly because the people that I worked for wanted me gone because I had exposed their supervisor for his wrongdoing. No good deed goes unpunished I guess...but I'll get it all straightened out and then get a job.

Post-It-Note-Tuesday

Go stick 'em up with Supah!!!

Monday Minute

What was your "oh no, I'm turning into my Mom/Dad" moment?
Well, I don't have kids yet but I still find myself saying, "I am so my mother" LOL...that's not a bad person to be though! :)

What current commercial do you find the most annoying/funny?
I love the new Pedigree commercials with the voice of David Duchovny. "I'm not just a good pooper but an optimum one". I also like the commercial with the little piggy going "Whee" all the way home and I can't think of what it's for. The other funny one is the Go Rving commercial with the rattlesnake with a baby rattle on it's tail and the rabbits are rolling around laughing...ya gotta love it!

If you could only eat one color food for the rest of your life what would it be?
I guess I would have to go with green since you can get a lot of nutrition from "greens" ;)

What is your current Facebook/Myspace/Twitter status?
Facebook: "is watching FOOTBALL!!! WOOHOO!!!" I left my name off because it's my whole name...LOL
Twitter: I'm at McDonalda via Foursquare. Yes, some dummy who put McDonald's in cannot spell!!!

F, Marry, Kill from this list below.  Women pick from the men, men pick from the women.


* Snookie (from Jersey Shore), Betty White, Ellen DeGeneres
* Regis Philbin, Justin Bieber, Perez Hilton


I would have to kill Justin Bieber since he's not old enough to marry or fuck. I guess I would fuck Regis Philbin because Perez Hilton isn't my type. Obviously, that leaves Perez Hilton for marrying but he has a cute dog and when he's not bitching, he's not so bad...right?

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

I honestly couldn't come up with anything today when I got up and sat down to blog...so I started reading some of the PYHO posts and was amazed. There are so many amazing stories out there and today, I don't have one. I'm still sitting here debating because my PYHO posts have all been about the same thing lately...I feel very one dimensional, but, it's what's on my mind...so here I go.

I finally got some advice on how to deal with this person who is causing me so much stress. I asked someone very close to me and this is what we came up with. The next time that this person "calls me out", I will look them straight in the eye and very calmly say, "I see you're doing it again". Of course, this person will want to know what I'm talking about, and I will have to explain the "calling me out" thing but at least I will have said what I need to say. The unfortunate thing is that this will happen in front of a group of people because I'm never "called out" in private. I hate this because, while I am not afraid of confrontation, I don't like to have to do it in front of a whole bunch of people. I think that there is a time and place for confrontation but a big group of people is never the place. Alas, I don't have control over it so, inevitably, it will happen. At least I have a solution because the alternative is losing my temper and the person that I spoke to about it said that losing my temper might not be the worst thing that could happen either. I don't want that though because the other person pushes me so far that I might say things that I can't take back...that sometimes happens to me when I get pushed. Obviously, everyone has limits and tends to say things that they shouldn't when they're angry but in this case especially, that would be very bad. (FYI: I'm assuming that the person I'm talking about reads my blogs, that's why I'm not being specific.)

Maybe I'll get lucky and I won't have to do this but I know it's coming, which makes me feel a little better about it. It would be nice to have it over and done with. The part that sucks the most is that it will probably happen right in the middle of the semester when I am super stressed anyway and I may just lose it instead of being able to stay calm...I hope not but really, enough is enough.

Post-It-Note-Tuesday