PYHO

As I sit here watching The Hills, I realize that I have a toxic friendship that I have to end. I have my very own personal Heidi and I have to let her go. I wish this wasn't the case but it is. This is another person in my life who will never get it together because she can't let go of things from her past. She isn't a bad person but she is very selfish and never apologizes. Everything is everyone else's fault, the last argument we had, I had her on speaker so that my husband could hear and he agrees with me, it's always my fault, in her eyes anyway. I hate having to do this, I wish that I was strong enough not to let these people into my life but this friendship began when I was young and I thought that I could help people change. I realize that's not really the case, nor is that my place in life. Unfortunately, adults have to choose to change on their own. We, as their friends, can gently prod them in a certain direction but ultimately they have to choose their own path. Sadly, they sometimes choose the path that leads them the opposite direction of where we want them to go and the friendship has to come to an end. If a friendship feels like a burden and you constantly feel guilty, even though you know you've done nothing wrong, then the relationship isn't healthy and it needs to end. We need friends who are mutually there for us as we are for them and this particular relationship is not that way. I have gotten two calls from this person in the last several days and I have chosen not to answer. I wish that I could sit down and talk to her but it won't work. She doesn't really see reason when it comes to herself, which makes me sad. I think that she has potential to be a great friend but she has to learn to deal with things and learn to relate to people aside from that. It all boils down to a commitment issue, something that she has to fix on her own and obviously, I can't help her. I have tried and I surrender to the fact that I can't because, at this point, she refuses to accept the help. I hate this and I hate this feeling. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach, my stomach is churning even as I write this. I wish that I knew what to say and how to say it so that I could tell her why but she is unable to hear it, I have tried. The last conversation we had, I tried to tell her but she wouldn't hear me and I just can't do it anymore...and it sucks.