Interesting thought...

Ok, I have to start writing this before the page is finished loading because I will forget. I hate that I have a sorry short term memory but I have an incredible long term memory to make up for it. I have an iphone to compensate for my short term memory issues.

Anyway, I just had a thought that is incredible for me. I have always thought of myself as a "medical" person. I am even, still at this moment, entertaining the thought of going through the 3 year family medicine program at Texas Tech. This is an afterthought, of course, to finishing nursing school. The other side of me is a literary person. I love to read, always have. I started reading at 4 and haven't stopped since. Right now, being a nursing student, I don't do as much extra curricular reading as I'd like but I am meandering through the phenomenon that is The Twilight Saga for the second time. Anyway, I want to be a writer. There, I finally said it. I said I wanted to write a book in my bucket list blog but writing a book and being a writer are two entirely different things.

Let me explain. I have a book that I have read over and over called "Say Goodnight, Gracie" by Julie Reece Deaver and it is one of my all time favorites. It is a book about a girl, Morgan, who's best friend is killed. It's the story of her grief. Anyway, it touched me. I read it my sophomore year in high school and have continued to read it since then. However, I thought it was the only book she'd ever written. Thanks to the wonders of Google, I just found that wasn't true. However, until just a minute ago, I thought it was the only book she'd written. I have another book that I love called, "The Tender Bar" by J.R. Moehringer that I picked up at Borders in Oklahoma City because the cover looked intriguing. It's actually a memoir and, as far as I can tell, the only book he's ever written. He did collaborate with Andre Agassi on his autobiography but he's not written another book. I don't know if he's a good example for my point or not but some people, are just born to tell stories in book form and some aren't. I hope that I am, but we'll see because I know that writing is a tedious process.

Some of the factors that I consider about being a writer is that I am able to sit in front of the computer for hours on end. I don't know if this is good or bad but I am able to do it with very few interruptions. I tend to be on the internet a great deal of the day, which might contribute to the fact that I am struggling in one of my classes at the moment but that's another story. The other thing that makes me think that I might enjoy being a writer is the fact that I love to write. Even as I am sitting here "writing" this blog, I feel peaceful. I feel the same way with nursing...so perhaps I have a split personality. Anyway, there, it's out there for all to see now, I want to write. Say what you will.

A title for my book

I have come up with a title for my book, "Random Rantings of a Self-Involved Sarah". I think I might just publish my blog & see how that goes. Obviously, there will have to be a lot more writing done before it's even close to a book. Even if I don't publish my blog, I'll figure something out. I think I want to be Jen Lancaster, but since that job is taken, I'll just have to be me. ;) I'm not so bad. I'm a little selfish and lazy but you won't find a more loyal friend than me. I know that sounds conceited but it's true, ask my friends. I get a little crazy when people mess with my friends and/or family. I even get protective of people I don't really know. If someone were to do something to my internet friends Kristi, Jayne or Linda, I would have to retaliate. I have never met these amazing women in person and yet I would do whatever I could to help them. So, as a side note, don't mess with my friends and/or family unless you want to deal with me. I mean that as a threat, not a promise, ok?

Ok, anyway, back to my title. I am pretty self-involved. I like for things to go my way and to be able to do what I want whenever I want. However, I am not conceited, I don't think. I definitely try not to be. I have to work on my self-confidence because I want to be a confident woman but that is a super hard thing to accomplish. Although, I did have an epiphany the other day...I'm not so bad. There are things I need to work on, for sure, but I am who I am & doggonnit, people like me!!! There's my token Stewart Smalley reference. I know, I didn't get the whole thing in there but I got what I think is the funniest part! Anyway, I know that part of being confident is just being confident. It's amazing what your brain can do for you. So, I have decided to work on my self-confidence and just be happy with who I am. I am working on self-improvement currently. I am in school and am working on losing weight. I have the hair cut that I like so that part is good. Now for the body. I realize that this is a long process so I have to keep telling myself that I'm gonna make it.

Friday Confessional

I've heard that confession is good for the soul. I keep reading about this on my friend Linda's blog so I thought I would join in the fun!!!

Today I have done absolutely nothing productive. I haven't wanted to, it's the last day of spring break & I am sad. I don't want to cook supper, I don't want to go buy a new spaghetti pot, I don't want to do a darn thing. I'm going to have to though...dangit. I'll go in a little bit though. I just don't want to right now.

I have been sitting at my computer, doing nothing, since I got home from having lunch with the hubby. This is after I got up at 11 am. I have been playing Treasure Madness all day & haven't stopped because I wanted to level up again. I need to be studying, but I don't want to...

Ok, 3rd & final confession for today. I am about to start searching for a way to make spaghetti without boiling it. If I can't find something easy enough for me to do then I will have to make the trip to Wal-Mart to buy a new spaghetti pot. I don't want to go to Wal-Mart...or make spaghetti, or take a shower or anything else. I just want to sit & play Treasure Madness...LOL

Here's a start to a new me!

Slow and steady wins the race...

This is sometimes a hard thing to swallow...because we are such an instant gratification nation. We want everything faster and better. I watched "Disclosure" the other night and the guy on the ferry kept saying, "faster, cheaper, better" which is exactly what we are programmed to want. No wonder it's hard to lose weight!!! That is not a fast process. It's even harder for those of us who are not patient, me being the prime suspect!!! I am so impatient it's not even funny, I was definitely meant to be part of this age: "faster, cheaper, better" since I can hardly wait for the atm to spit out my money or for the webpage to load on my browser. Honestly, I don't think there's a computer out there that's fast enough for me...LOL...which in a way is kind of sad.

I read one of my friend's blogs today about how she is on "a quest for a new me" which is something I have been trying to do myself. My problem has been that I am too impatient and expect myself to be able to change overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day, God didn't make the earth in a day, what makes me think I can do it in a day??? It was the word quest that caught my attention. This change, it's a process. Wow, that isn't earth shattering to some people, but in a way, it was to me. This morning, my alarm didn't go off. This is my fault, I forgot to lock my phone after it went off the first time this morning or after I did something. Anyway, so I was running around thinking that i don't have time to do all the stuff I planned to do today when it hit me, why do I have to get this done today? What I had planned to do was to go get some more cut off my hair and get it colored, I even told my stylist that I would, but, because of other things I have planned that are more important, I don't have time. Simple solution, call her and let her know that I'll be in on Friday or Saturday this week, depending on when I come back from Lubbock. If not one of those days, I can do it next Monday. It's spring break, I need to "break". Granted, I have homework to do but I can get it done during the week. I am going to study at one and that is going to help with my homework!!! Plus, school has to come first but that doesn't mean that everything else has to fall by the wayside. So, I'm prioritizing, which isn't something I like to do because, I think I have to do everything I have planned and if I don't, I'm a failure...that thinking stops, well, at least my correcting it stops today. Obviously, I can't change this thought pattern overnight but I can work on it...which is why I'm sitting here writing this blog instead of doing the million other things that I had planned to do today. I'm on a quest, right along with my friend! So, here goes nothing...

And they say women are bitchy...

Let me just say that this whole "argument" started over me making coffee...yeah, coffee. He says, "I've got the coffee pot about free". I heard, "You can come make coffee now", so I go in there to make coffee & he gets all pissy & says I'm in his way. I left the coffee pot full of water by the sink. I explained above conversation to him & he said he was sorry. Then I wipe off the top of the coffee pot, because it was sort of dusty & he gets mad at me again. I left the kitchen & told him to let me know when the coast was clear for me to make coffee because I didn't want to get in his way...and they say women are bitchy. Mind you, he does have a cold, which he caught from me, but this is not my fault. Men are such whiny babies when they're sick!!!

On to another rant, which I actually agree with. We went to take out our trash yesterday or the day before & found that our neighbors across the alley have filled up every single dumpster in our alley! There's either 4 or 5 dumpsters, 2 within close range of both of our houses. These idiots filled EVERY SINGLE DUMPSTER. So, I've decided to make a "Bad Neighbor Award" and mail it to them, along with a note that explains why it is unacceptable to fill every dumpster in the alley...really!!! Ok, so this one does kind of make me a bitch but, am I wrong???

Well, that's it for now...gotta go have some coffee so I can be less bitchy!!!

Thanks marymac & Jen Lancaster!!!

I love to read people's blogs. You get so much great information, there are blogs about everything out there! Mine is just my personal place to rant & rave or update my loyal readers about what's happening in my life though...sorry! ;) I'm a bit self-centered & I really do think that the world revolves around me...actually, I've convinced myself of this & I am very offended when things don't go my way. It's true, if you know me, you know this & yet, you still love me so thanks!

Ok, back to the original reason for this blog...thanking marymac & Jen Lancaster. So, I said in one of my previous blogs that I want to write a book. I do, I always have. It seems strange though since I am not really a literary person, or I don't consider myself one. I love to read. I don't get to do much of it right now since I'm in school but I do during the breaks. During the last break I read the Twilight series which I absolutely loved. But I digress...not that anyone is shocked by that. Anyway, I really do want to write a book. I want to write the same kind of book that Jen Lancaster writes, I just want it to be about me & my life. I think my life is pretty interesting & sometimes funny, maybe not outright hilarious but it is sometimes. (I already said I'm self-centered so there ya have it!) Anyway, marymac interviewed Jen Lancaster & she gave some great advice on writing. Check out marymac's blog at http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/. It's incredible!!! Jen Lancaster also has a blog at http://www.jennsylvania.com if you haven't read it already.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there...in the blogsphere. I like blogging, I like writing, well, electronically anyway. So here I am, tell me what you think! :)

I want a hollywood life!!!

I have decided that I no longer want to live in the real world, I want to live in a show...Ghost Whisperer, Californication, Sex & the City, Lipstick Jungle, pick one, I just don't want to live in the real world anymore. I don't like it here, it's too real & too harsh. I know, I'm being a little bit whiny but it's just how I feel today. I am working on a nursing degree & getting picked apart about things that will make not one single bit of difference in my nursing career & I am just over it. So today, I want to live in Hollywood & live a mostly happy life. At least I would have very little major issues to deal with & even if I had issues, I would have a great therapist & great drugs to take care of them. I'm not saying I want to be on drugs, I don't...the therapist idea isn't so bad & yet, I have this lovely blog & my friends as my therapists. I don't have to pay for this either so this is great therapy. Sometimes I think I should be a therapist, just for the free therapy...HA!!! Yeah, I know, I'm too cynical to be a therapist on most days but I do care about other people & their problems but this is MY blog so I'm allowed to be a bit self-centered here, I think! People's opinions & stances all come from their own personal perspectives right? This is mine, for better or worse.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I want to live in either a novel or a tv show or a movie...I just don't want to live in the real world at the moment. Yes, tomorrow I will wake up & go to school & do all those lovely things that are part of being in the real world but then I have a break for a week. If I had any sense, I would run for the hills, learn to be happy flipping burgers & go on. I can't though, I'm not made of that kind of fabric...or something. I have this little problem called ambition. I don't know that it's really a problem but, at the moment, it is. At least if I were in a tv show, someone else could solve my problems or again, I would have therapy. Perhaps I do need therapy, it would be nice to have an unbiased third party but then, eventually, we all become biased so...I would have to switch therapists. Geez, my head is a busy place...see what cold medicine does to you???

Blogging

Blogging is something that we do to express ourselves...we put things in our blogs that we might not say out loud, they are our safe place...sometimes! Obviously, we put a lot of things out there for people to read/see/judge but then again, blogs are faceless, sort of, so they're safe, in that respect. However, I would love to make money just by blogging but my life is not that interesting, so that's not going to happen. There are movies, series and other things out there about people that blog for a living. First it was Sex & the City & Carrie. Carrie was our idol, for 6 seasons. I miss Carrie but I know that she had to go on with her life with Big. So, there's that but still, I feel like some things are unresolved. I haven't seen the movie yet because I was told not to see it until I finished watching the series. I just finished the series the other day so I am ready to see the movie now. Supposedly, there's going to be a 2nd movie but we'll see. I don't know how you can follow that movie, there will always be things that are unresolved...that's why we have blogs. Blogs help us work things out, talk things out, if you will. This blog isn't about working things out, it's just about blogging. Some of my other posts are blogs that help me work things out...this is my safe place. I have another blog/online diary where I post things that only I can read to work out the really screwed up things that I think about from time to time. They're probably not as screwed up as I think that they are but I am unwilling to put them out there for judgment. Here, I don't worry about being judged, I have great friends & family that read this blog & they know me & love me regardless. I just have to have a place where I can completely let loose & say all the things that I want to say out loud but can't, for reasons that we all understand. Obviously, due to societal rules & common decency, we just can't always say what we're thinking. We still think it & then sometimes we say things, a watered down version of what we're thinking. The worst is when we actually say what we're thinking, when our brain/mouth filter fails for some unknown reason & someone is either offended or gets their feelings hurt. I hate when I do that but usually, it feels good to have said what I did. I don't like to offend or hurt people's feelings but sometimes, what I think, is hurtful or offensive to someone. However, my brain/mouth filter doesn't work, a lot...it happens though. Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there...sorry if it offends anyone! :)

FRUSTRATION!!!!! (Warning: A long winded rant!!!)

At the moment, I have had it with my life. I am tempted to say the hell with everything & move to the beach & be a beach bum for the rest of my life, either that or move to the mountains & be a "ski" bum. I had to write a research paper for my health assessment class & I am just over it. I need it to be spring break, I need the hell out of Amarillo for a week, I just don't want to do it. (Just so you know, I am ranting, I will not quit school...maybe) I am over stupid research papers and all the busy work that the AC nursing program has us doing. I am a nursing student, not an English major, why the hell am I doing a research paper??? I am not a master's level student, I'm an associate's level student!!!! I had to take English as one of my core classes & I spent the better part of English 1302 writing papers so, I think, since I passed both English classes, my ability to write a paper, should be clear. This kind of stupid crap makes me want to poke myself in the eye with a fork...seriously. I just don't understand why, as a nursing student, I have to do all this busywork. I have enough to do!!!! I am taking 3 nursing classes & believe me, there is enough to read that I really don't have time to do a whole lot else. All this is doing is inspiring me NOT to continue my education because I don't want to write any more damn papers. Seriously, I would rather touch my hand to a hot stove. I know that seems extreme but it would be less painful, trust me. I am all about doing the necessary things. That is not to say that I just want to do the minimum, I want to do whatever is necessary to make me the best nurse I can be & I can assure you that a research paper will not help!!! Again, I am going into nursing, not journalism! If I wanted to write, I would get a degree in mass comm or journalism or English, but I don't want to write, it's not my thing...obviously. What sucks is that I did this stupid paper but I left out stuff & now I have to add to it. Part of what I have to add is in the reference page so what's the point??? Someone please, stick a hot poker in my eye, I can't take it anymore!!!!