Wow!!!

So, it's 1 week, 4 days, 19 hours, 17 minutes and 52 seconds and counting until pinning...it's really almost over. And the thought totally freaks me out!!! Obviously, this is what I was aiming for in the beginning but now that it's here it seems so surreal!!! I made a final decision not to walk for graduation because I just really don't want to. Also, my brother-in-law graduates on Saturday at 9am and Amarillo College's graduation is Friday night at 7 so that means 9:30 or 10 before it's over and then a two hour drive...no thanks. Granted, I'm not going to the graduation, I'm playing with the kids, being the "babysitter" but it's all good!!! I need some quality Jobert, James & Deborah time!!! I miss those little turkeys!!! They are growing up way too fast and they'll have a cousin that will be joining them in August which hopefully I'll be present for!!! Anyway, walking isn't really that important to me and I never really wanted to but the hubs thought I needed to...until I had an excuse not to.

I was thinking today about not having any school work to do for a while and the idea is just nuts. I don't know what I'll do with all that free time...HA!!! I know, how ironic right??? I have some reading that I'd like to do but I really don't know what I'll do with all the free time other than that. Obviously I plan to be working somewhere but I'm probably only going to be working 3 days a week so what do I do with the other 4? I don't have kids and I don't know if we will or not so now what? I'm excited to actually be able to work as a nurse soon but there's that large looming question mark. Of course, I'm for sure starting my bachelor's in January but I may start before, if I can do online classes since I'll be heading to Houston in August for Mr. David Foster Oliver's arrival!!! I can't believe how many classes I have to take before I can start the actual nursing program and I'm not sure I know how to take regular classes...lol!!! I know that sounds crazy but none of the regular stuff is as hard as this, or at least I don't see how it can be but who knows??? I have 22 hours of it though...and I misspoke, I have to take chemistry and I don't imagine that's going to be easy but I know I can do it. Hopefully i can use all those classes to bump my gpa up a little more. It's fine where it is and I'm not shooting for a 4.0 because I just refuse to give up my life but still, a 3.5 would be nice. Plus I have to take statistics but my dad can help me out with that, he got an A in the class when he took it and he just gets it. Hopefully I will too but math is just not my strong suit, good thing I'm not an engineer ;)

So, I'm going to start studying for finals on Monday since I have mine the following Monday and Tuesday the 9th & 10th of May respectively. My management final is Monday at 8:30 and then my ekg class final is at 1:00 and then my critical care final is Tuesday at 8:30 and then I AM DONE!!!! I hear the Hallelujah Chorus, albeit faintly but I hear it!!! I not only see the light at the end of this tunnel but I am seeing the door too!!! I have an interview for a position in the ICU at the hospital in Borger on Monday which is awesome. I hear that the smaller towns pay their nurses better since it's harder to keep them there. We won't be moving if I get a job in Borger but if I get a job in Lubbock then we'll be moving. I don't really want to move though, the idea makes me want to hurl. I hate moving!!! Really, the next move that I want to make is when we go back to Colorado for the last time!!! I'm so ready to get back there. We were looking at pictures the other night and I still can't figure out what made us leave. The upside is that I got into nursing school and I will be a nurse when we get back there. Obviously I'll have to switch my license to a Colorado license but that really shouldn't be a problem since Colorado is a compact state too. I'll at least have my BSN by the time we move but I don't know that it will make a difference in pay. It doesn't here so who knows? I don't care anyway. I don't think that I want to be a hospital nurse forever, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to continue on and get my master's. My goal is to be a cardiology nurse practicioner. I'm all about the heart stuff, love it!!! I don't want to do surgery necessarily but I want to be able to be in on them, when I can. I'm all about seeing an open heart surgery and hopefully holding the heart. That would be awesome beyond awesome...and hopefully it will happen. I'm going to try to make it happen while I'm here so that I can at least see one. I'm just ready to be working. The thing is, I may enjoy the office nurse part of nursing and may choose to stay in that role. They have a lot of freedom, once they've put in their time and that appeals to me too. That's the most awesome part of nursing, the opportunities are limitless and that excites me to no end.

Well, I think I've rambled long enough. It's 11pm and I'm pretty tired. I was going to work on my playlist some more but I'm too tired. I think I'm gonna call it quits and head to bed!!! Have a good rest of your weekend!!!

Seriously?!?!?! FYI: really bad language ahead, sorry

I'm putting this out there because I have had it!!! I am tired of being punished for telling the truth. I am tired of being nice and tucking my tail between my legs and taking the slap in the face or the knife in the back because I do the right thing!!!! I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT!!! It all started with a phone call that I received from my "boss" last week, stating that she needed me to work last weekend and then this coming Saturday but that they were going out of town on Sunday and so she told the other girl that she could work Sunday and she "hopes that's ok". No, it's fucking not ok!!!! I need the money, the other girl/bitch does not. She is saving for a trip that she is taking in JUNE!!! I need the money to pay my bills...but clearly, that's not important. This all started because, "I worry that when we go out of town, B won't eat for you". The problem is, he won't eat for Jesus if he doesn't feel like eating, which she even said but she is punishing me because in the past, there have been times that he hasn't eaten very well for me and I have done the right thing and told the truth. I am really sick of this crap and the reality of it is, that's not the whole story...but I don't know what it is because she won't tell me. Which makes me even MADDER!!! Seriously, if I am doing something wrong, I need to be told and that seems like a simple concept but apparently, that is not the case. I got a text today that states, "Hi Sarah!! Just got home and talked to H. She wants to work Sunday as I had promised her earlier. I hope you can still work Sat. AND can you work the next wkend...May 7 and 8??? I looked at the calendar and know you cannot the next 2 times! H is going to see her Dad, as his cancer has taken a toll. She may be gone more. I DO appreciate your wanting to work. N" This is in response to a conversation that we had yesterday where I stated that I was HAVING TROUBLE PAYING BILLS because I wasn't getting to work but, H is clearly more important. It makes me see fucking red. The stupid bitch lies her ass off but I am the one being punished?!?!? How the hell does that work?!?!?! I just can't take it anymore!!!! I have to call N tomorrow and let her know that I need my day given back and that she never should have told H that she could work it because that's not right. Of course, I'm sure that I will be told that it "was my decision", as if I give a flying fuck. As you can see, it makes me VERY ANGRY!!! I'm really a pretty nice person but I have been pushed to my limit with this!!! The fact of the matter is that I am the most qualified person that works there, I'm damn near a nurse but, what the hell do I know? I know that I have never once lied and I know for a fact that H has. I also do not smoke around B but I have smelled smoke there before and H is a smoker. I do not bring my dogs to work, H does. I would never move the furniture in someone else's house, H has. By the way, when B doesn't eat for H, she feeds the leftovers to her dogs. I have seen the food in their bowls. B is a picky eater, which is bad since he doesn't really eat or drink that much. B also has seizures and when he runs out of coke, which he has had pretty much every day of his 59 years on this planet, it causes him to have seizures due to caffeine withdrawal. I bring this up and then suddenly, my days are gone. I have been working there for about 2 years, H hasn't been there as long as I have but she gets the preference. She works Monday - Friday but I can't just have the weekends?!?!? I'll be gone in two freakin' months bitch, back the fuck off. The other thing is, when she works too much, she gets really bitchy about it, N told me. I really want to throw that in her face.

I think the worst part of all of this is that the hubs thinks I should just let it go, as if it's not a big deal. It is a BIG DAMN DEAL!!!! My character is under attack here but that's irrelevant and I guess I should know that but I am really fucking tired of that shit. Also, I would just like him to take my side in this and he just won't...which irritates the fuck out of me. TAKE MY FUCKING SIDE!!!! I'M YOUR FUCKING WIFE!!! Oh fucking well, I should be used to it by now. The things that make me really passionately angry I can't get any support on and I don't get it. I stand by his side every time he gets pissy about something but he acts like this is no big deal when he knows damn good and well we need the money. I've been working weekends since I started, so I don't feel like I should be passed over for those measly 2 days. I guess I'll call tomorrow but if N says no, that she won't call H and fix the situation then Saturday is going to be my last day. What I really want to do is tell her to fuck off and drop her on Saturday but I won't...maybe...

Sorry that this is such a rant but I am at the end of my patience with this bullshit!!!!

Today is a new day!!!

So, the last two days I have complained about not having a job. Today is a new day. I've decided that I will find a job, for now. I am working this weekend and I will find something to do during the week. I plan to keep working when I start my nursing job though, for a little while, we have some catching up to do. So, I've not done well with my new years resolutions. I did pretty well for a while, but as usual, I fell off the wagon. I hate when I do that. It happens though, I'm human. I am going to start going back to the gym and getting better about going. I got sick over spring break and that totally threw a monkey wrench in everything. I'm better now so I've got to get back on the horse, so to speak. I'm really excited about this though. I don't have long to get some weight off but I can do it. As of today, no more cokes for a while. I'm not giving them up forever. I like coke, I just can't have it for about a month. I'm trying to lose some weight before my cousin's wedding May 21. It's not a ton that I want to lose and I have lost some, how, I'm not all that sure but I have.

The other thing is, I have to get my money business straight. Although, to do that, I have to have money...and this whole student thing does not work well in that area, that's why I've been griping about getting a job. I just don't know who will want to hire me for two months. I plan to stay on for a while after I get my nursing license though. I want to work prn as a nurse too...better money there than a job I'll get now. Of course, I probably wouldn't hire me because it just boils down to a money thing. Training a new employee costs money, unless you work retail, not a lot of training there, plus I've done it before. I don't know, I just hope it happens soon. I hate looking for a job, it's the worst part of getting a job. So anyway, we'll see what happens! It's a new day, go out and enjoy it!!!

Today is Thursday...

I'm ready for it to be June 13th. It's not that I'm trying to rush my life or anything, I'm just ready to work...as a nurse. Yeah, I know, I blogged about this yesterday but I feel like I'm waiting. I hate waiting, patience has NEVER been my strong suit. I keep thinking that someday I will figure it out but I don't know if I will...I'm just not good at being patient. Perhaps I feel like I'm going to miss out on something...I don't know. I'm just not good at being patient. So I guess I feel like I'm missing out on my life. I'm not, I'm living my life but I feel like the actual real life part is going to start and I'm being told to wait. I don't like it. It's partially because I'm impatient and partially because I'm ready to get on with it. We, the hubs and I have a plan and we can't get on with it until I have a job because, of course, the plan requires money. If only that wasn't the case but money is part of life and you have to learn to live with it or without it as has been the case for the last two years. Granted, I'm not going to be filthy rich but we will get to the place where we're comfortable. It will be nice to not get stressed out about how we're going to pay bills. We'll actually be able to put all of them on automatic draft and know that the money will be there. Then there's the continuing of my education and the hub's education. It's really nice to know that we'll be able to pay for it out of pocket, if we play our cards right. And, we will, we're planning on it. I have 3 weeks, 1 day, 4 hours, 41 minutes and 45 seconds until graduation...then I still have to wait. HA!!! June 13th is when I'm supposed to get my GN permit, approximately. I hope that it's then, I hope that I don't have to wait too long after graduation to schedule boards...but I may. I hope not though, I don't want to put off taking boards for any longer than I have to. I want to take them, pass, and get on with my nursing career!!! But, we're back to the waiting...so I wait. Impatiently but yet, I wait. :)

Wondering...

It's been a long time since I blogged but I felt like I needed to. I am wondering about this whole graduation and getting a job thing. I want to...get a job that is and I know I'm going to graduate but I wish that I had a job now. I wish that I didn't have to wait two months to get a job. I'm a nurse now. Granted, I don't have a license but I can do the work and I'm ready to. It's somewhat scary that I have to do this for real in two months but I am so ready. I've been told by multiple nurses that I will feel like I know nothing when I get out in the field...great, I've spent two years to know nothing...really? Oh well, I'm still doing it, nothing's gonna stop me now. I've decided that I'm going to start my bachelor's in January because I need to take some time off from school. I just can't take too much time off or I won't go back. I'm definitely getting my bachelor's and I'll decide about my master's when I finish my bachelor's just because, at this moment, I say not no but HELL NO!!! That mainly has to do with writing papers which I have apparently forgotten how to do well...at least according to my nursing professors. Oh well, I'm not in nursing to be a writer, obviously. Besides, if I ever wanted to be published I would have someone edit my work and I really don't have a desire to be published, at least not for nursing. I think I'd like to write a book but I don't know what to write about and every time I've started writing, it seems really cheesy. But I digress...

I just want to start working as a nurse and get the nurse pay. We have a plan and I/we can't start on it until I am working as a nurse...so, I'm ready. Besides, I have spent two years in school training to do this and yet, I have to wait. Thanks Texas Board of Nursing. I have to wait until I get my GN (graduate nurse) permit to start working as a nurse. So, I wait...and wait...

It's been a while...

So...it's been forever since I've blogged. I miss blogging. I wish I had time or energy to do it everyday but they are killing us with busy work at school. It's driving me crazy. At least this is the last semester of this part!!! I'm going on to get my bachelor's and master's but that's a few years from now. I'll be old and gray...well, I'm already gray but shit happens. (Sorry, it's true and there's not a better way to say that!) Anyway, I won't be that old...I might be 40 when I'm finished which gives me a good 20-30 years to work, depending on how long I feel like it. Yes, I said feel like it. I only get to live once and I'm not spending my entire life working. Obviously, I have to work, I have to pay bills, that kind of thing but, I'm not going to let work be my entire life. I have other things I want to do. I want to go to Italy, I am going to go to Hawaii in 2 years...something to consider when planning schooling. I think we're going in the summer though so I can work around that. I'm going to work around it because I'm going to Hawaii, wouldn't miss it for the world. It's not something one gets to do every day and some people never get to. I choose to, I want to. It's an experience that I want to have. Going to Italy and France is another one. So, I'm going.

Anyway, I am so ready to be done with school that I can't see straight. 56 more days until graduation, I'm so ready!!! School is about to drive me crazy and it really sucks that I have 3-4 more years left of it before I'm done!!! I've about had it but I have to keep going because I feel like I'll regret it if I don't and the upside is that I can still work as a floor nurse even if I have my master's. Basically, I can do both if I want to, so I can have my cake and eat it too. I don't know that I'll do that but I might. It depends on if we have kids or not, I can't spend all my time at work either, I refuse to do that. Life is more than just work, but I think it's important to love what you do. I think that I will enjoy being a nurse practitioner, actually I know that I will. I'm just not sure what specialty yet, right now I'm leaning toward cardiology but I love kids. I HATED my pediatrics class, which I think had more to do with the instructor than anything but there are other things that I think about that I'm not sure if I can handle. Several things that could be a game changer for me such as a really sick kid that I know won't make it. That sucks, it's reality, but it sucks. Obviously, death is a part of life and kids get sick too but that doesn't make it any better in my mind. I worked for hospice for two years and we had 3 different kids and it sucked every time. I'm glad that we were able to provide the service both for the kids and the families but it sucked, one case especially. That one will stick with me forever...so there's that to consider. There's also the occaional child that I will run into that is being abused. I don't know if I can handle that...I haven't done that well with it in the past. I've been exposed to children that have been abused and it just doesn't compute well in my mind. Obviously, there is something that I need to deal with but I just don't know how to make that right in my head, because it isn't and there's no excuse for it. There's also the parent issue, I'm talking about the parents that think every little thing is the worst thing ever and that their child has the most severe case of it known to man. That drives me insane, give me a little credit for the time that I spend in school and the education that I have. Obviously, I don't know everything, I never claimed to but I do know more about it than you do, seeing as I have been educated, so, give me credit for that. Now, if your gut tells you that something is going on then please feel free to share that with me. There's nothing like parental instinct, I know this much and I give credit there. I'm not a parent but I've seen it in action and I know that it works and that, most of the time, there is something to it. However, you have to consider that, unfortunately, it may take some time for me to figure out what's going on and there may be multiple tests involved. Some things are not as obvious as others and some things don't give obvious clues as to what they are so give me a little time and a little credit. I will find out what's going on but I may have to involve other doctors and practitioners and I have no problem doing that. You have an obligation to allow me to do my job without questioning every move I make, again, give me the professional courtesy and credit. I will do the same. If you think that I am doing something wrong or unnecessary then feel free to say so, just do it with courtesy and respect, then I can show you the same. Also, if you don't understand, feel free to ask...you just have to be respectful about it. You know? These are the things that I worry about and I know that they're legitimate concerns...so, I just don't know. Obviously, I have to make a decision but I don't have to do it right now. Plus, I have to finish school and I'll be working as I do so I'll have time to figure out what I like. Hopefully, I have a job that will translate into a nursing job once I take and pass boards!!!

Anyway, it was just time for me to blog...I needed to...blogging is so therapeutic. There are about a billion more things I wanted to say but I'm starting to get tired and I need to do some other things so I'm gonna stop for now. Good night blogsphere. Have an awesome weekend!!!

What a week!!!

Well, this wasn't my favorite week of all times...it was hectic and a little bit lousy. However, it's Friday and I don't have to work this weekend so it's looking up. I'm really tired though and I kind of have a cold...and it's possibly going to snow tonight?!?! I live in the Texas Panhandle and as far as I'm concerned, it's the weird weather capital of the world. It was in the 60's this afternoon and then it's supposed to snow?!?!? What the heck?!?! And everyone wonders why we're all sick...well there you go. This semester is really rough, especially with the busy work and having to write three papers...YUCK. I am seriously over writing papers...I just don't want to anymore. I am SO TIRED OF WRITING PAPERS!!! I'm not going to nursing school to be an author or a lawyer so I really don't want to have to learn about that or do it. I'm just throwing that out there. I know it doesn't really matter but I have never come closer to quitting in my whole school career and I'm at the end. Obviously, I'm going to finish and I will graduate in May come hell or high water...but I'm tired. Today was a pretty good day though, even though we lost two different patients in simulation which sucked...even though we kind of knew it was coming. In real life, you don't always get a patient back when you code them and it really sucks. We were talking about it and I cried. Granted, I'm a little emotional but that's ok. I need to be emotional, if a patient dying doesn't get to me at all then I probably need to stop being a floor nurse, I'm missing an essential component. And now...my eyelids are starting to droop. I had much more to say but it will just have to wait because I am unable to hold my eyes open any longer. Goodnight world! Happy Weekend! :)