Julie & Julia--the movie

I just finished watching the movie "Julie&Julia" and it was excellent, inspiring even. However, I am no cook & have no desire to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook. I would do well to get through a Rachael Ray 30 Minute Meals cookbook. Odds are good, that's never going to happen. Although, I would like to learn to cook...without being overwhelmed. Cooking is something that I don't take on because it's too much for me...I have ADD, just in my brain. I have a hard time focusing on a single thing at a time...I need to chase rabbits, if you will. So, learning to cook, along with many other things in my life, hasn't come easily. I say this as if I have learned to cook...I haven't, but it's something that I am taking on this year.

I can follow a recipe, without problems, it's cooking more than one thing at a time that tends to overwhelm me. For example, I can cook breakfast but I have to do one thing at a time instead of cooking the eggs, bacon & toast all at the same time...I just don't have the mental capacity to do that, or the sanity, I don't know which!!! LOL...That's why I like to cook things like spaghetti, it's a one at a time kind of dish. First, you cook the noodles, but you can cook the meat while the noodles are going & you don't have to watch them. So, I can concentrate on cooking the meat. The seasoning is a problem though. I am not a big fan of salt. If I am salting my food, I either don't like it or can't taste it & would rather taste the salt. I realize that lots of food have salt but I don't add to it. I like potato chips & french fries & things with salt but I have been known to shake off some of the salt, on fries anyway. I get the big pretzels without salt if I can...but I digress. Anyway, I can cook the meat & then I usually just add the canned sauce & extra mushrooms. Then I drain the noodles & add the sauce & meat to the noodles. This is the ritual since I've been married, my mom doesn't do it that way. She keeps the noodles separate & mixes the sauce & the meat. This is for Bekah, I think, she's not a huge fan of the sauce...it's a Bekah thing!!! She likes the noodles by themselves better...she's a carb girl!!! She's healthy though so it obviously works for her!!!

I would like to try to make my own spaghetti sauce but that is a scary thing for me. I am not good with different flavors & knowing what to mix together...although I think that's the point. Cooking, like everything else is a learning experience. I did my first cooking experiment the other day with ramen noodles. I didn't want to eat them in the common way so I thought I would try something different. I used olive oil & butter in a sauce pan & cooked them that way. I added salt & pepper & then kept adding things until I thought that it tasted good. It did taste good but it needed something, what, I have no idea, but it was lacking overall. I still ate it & the dogs loved it. I thought that was a compliment because they, unlike most dogs, won't eat just anything!!! Bruce hates Fritos so there you go. Anyway, they ate it so it couldn't have been all bad. I wish Bobby had been able to taste it, he might have been able to tell me what it needed.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the movie...now I want to read the book. Once I have read the book I will let you know what I think....until then! Au revoir!

I decided that I wanted to make boeuf bourguignon but found that I didn't have the slightest idea how to spell it, so I looked it up...found several recipes on foodnetwork.com & decided that perhaps I am crazy!!! I checked out Rachael Ray's recipe thinking that it would be the easiest & didn't even finish reading all the ingredients. Plus, I don't have the right kind of pot to make it in so...there...I'm not gonna do it...for now! :)

I just realized...

I was watching a video on You Tube by Kandee, the makeup artist & I realized something. There are a lot of things that I want to do that I haven't done. I'm in my early 30's...because I haven't reached my mid thirties yet, I'm about to be 33 on the 25th! Anyway, I am still young & there are things that I want to do. Basically, I have decided that this is when I start to really live my life. It's sad that it's taken me this long to realize this, I know, but at least I did.

There are a lot of things that I am grateful for, I should say that first because I don't want anyone to think that I'm ungrateful for the wonderful things in my life thus far! I have a great family!!! My mom & dad are awesome!!! They have supported me in every endeavor thus far, even when I was being a little bit crazy, like wanting to go to law school, they supported me. (There's nothing wrong with law school, it's just not for me, I'm a medical person!) My brother & sisters are awesome too. They have always been there for me & supported me as well. They have been my cheerleaders & for that, I am eternally grateful. I am grateful for my extended family which includes aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents & all the in-laws. I have an exceptional relationship with my in-laws & for that I am truly grateful! They are awesome, I could not have done better if I'd sent out applications!!! I am most grateful for the awesome man that I am married to!!! He is my world, heart & soul. He supports me completely & believes in me completely! He is amazing & I am most grateful for him!!!

With all that being said, I am not totally fulfilled in my life, perhaps by choice but I decided that I am making a list of things that I want to do, a bucket list if you will. I chose 5 things that I have always wanted to do & I am going to see if I can't accomplish those in the next years of my life. I am not putting a time limit on them as some of them are going to take some time to accomplish! I know that some of this stems from wanting to make a difference in the world, I want to leave my mark. It may not be one that everyone remembers but it will be memorable to some & perhaps it will touch someone in just the way they need!

First, I want to go to Italy. This stems from the movie "Only You" with Robert Downey, Jr & Marisa Tomei. Marisa's character, Hope, goes to Italy after the man that she thinks she's supposed to marry, only to find the actual man she's supposed to marry. Anyway, the scenery is unbelievable & I decided, after that movie, that I have to go there. Besides, it's a super romantic place & who doesn't love that???

Second, I want to write a book. Authors & authoresses (if that's a word) seem very intelligent to me...I want to be that person. I want to be literary, because I just do. I read a book called, The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer & I loved it. It was one of those books that I chose mainly because of the cover & it was cheap, I got it at Waldenbooks in Oklahoma City in the "1/2 off" bin. Anyway, it inspired me because it is simply the story of this man's life & yet it was fascinating, to me anyway. So, I decided that if this ordinary person could write a book, so can I. I have an idea for a story but I'm not telling what it is...you'll just have to find out when it's published...

Third, I want to play in a major poker tournament. I would love to play in the World Series of Poker. I don't know if I would win or not, if I did that would be really cool but I just want to play. I am decent at poker & I have pretty good luck in Vegas anyway. My family went to Vegas last December & I played in 2 tournaments. One at MGM Grand & the other at Treasure Island. I didn't win either of them but I tied for 9th or 10th place at MGM Grand & I got a royal flush in spades in that tournament. It was unbelievable!!! I wish I had the presence of mind to take a picture of that hand but I wasn't sure that was acceptable & I was too chicken to ask...LOL...yeah, that was my very first real poker tournament but I LOVED it!!!

Fourth, I want to have a bit part either in a major tv series or a movie. I would love to be on Ghost Whisperer as Delia's sister!!! I love Camryn Manheim & I think that we could pass for sisters, especially in the television world!!! This is going to be somewhat harder to accomplish because obviously, you can't just walk onto a set & demand a part but I have a friend who's trying to break into the entertainment business so perhaps she can give me some tips. Besides, I'm persistent, maybe they'll do it just to get me to leave them alone!!! LOL...I don't mean that I'll be a stalker or do anything illegal, I'll just be persistent!!!

Last but not least, I really want to sing in front of a huge audience. I don't necessarily want to be standing in the center of some huge football field with all eyes on me but I want to sing. I would love to sing The Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl for instance. I don't really know how exactly to accomplish that either but I will find out, and I will do it. Again, I don't really want to do it where everyone can see me but I want to be able to do it!!!

Ok, those are my 5 things...what do you, my faithful readers, think??? Seriously, what do you think? Please be nice but be honest!!! Thanks!!!

Wow...

I sit here watching "Teen Mom" & my heart is breaking for these girls. They are so young & having to go through things that I cannot imagine. First of all, I am not a mom so I can't imagine that stress, plus I am not a teenager. I am EXTREMELY grateful that I am not a teen any longer, I would hate to have to go back to that...LOL!!! Having a child, no matter what age, is stressful but add the stress of being a teenager & I can't imagine. That would be crazy. I remember thinking that I wanted a baby when I was 18. I even made a list of potential fathers, which is crazy, but not, because, you want someone to need you. That is a natural desire of a woman's heart, God made us that way but sometimes we have to make a good decision for ourselves & anyone else involved. Having a baby at 18 would not have been the right decision, but if I had managed to accomplish that, then I would have had to live with it & figure out the best thing to do for me & my child. I am torn as I sit here though, thinking that maybe that was my chance...of course, that's not true but sometimes it feels that way. So I sympathize with these girls in that respect. The thing is, it was a conscious decision at the time but I chose not to go through with it. I remember the time that I thought I was pregnant...how scary. I was 19, living alone in Lubbock & the potential father was not someone that I would have wanted to be attached to for the rest of my life. This raises another issue for teens: sex education. I personally think that we should teach them that abstinence is the best way but if they choose to have sex then they need to try to be safe. I think we have to logically present both sides of the argument & not just focus on trying to "scare" them out of having sex, that clearly doesn't work. We have a high rate of pregnancy in Texas because the "religious right" thinks that we should teach abstinence only which is obviously not working. There was an article in the Dallas paper that I read that gave the teen mother statistics for Texas & I was shocked!!! Not only do these girls have a first baby in their teens but many, about 75% go on to have more...is that crazy??? Obviously, with those kind of statistics, abstinence teaching only & just teaching about diseases is not working...I'm not saying that we should condone teenagers having sex, I just think we need to give them more information!!! This is going to take some major planning & clearly I don't have all the answers but the "if you have sex you'll get a disease" philosophy clearly doesn't work either. So anyway, these are just my thoughts...

2010

Ok, 2010 is a new year. I am sitting here, still in bed, watching All About Aniston on Lifetime & Bobby's in the living room playing Call of Duty, well Modern Warfare 2. So, my goals for this year, or New Year's resolutions are: 1) to only drink 2 cokes per week & 2) to lose 30 lbs by the end of this semester, which is in May. That's it, no wait, one more, I want to make A's in all my classes this year!!! Ok, so that's 3...which shouldn't be too bad. I also want to learn to cook & become more organized & somewhat of a clean freak! I have to clean my house, it's disgusting...we're gonna get SARS or meningitis or something...ok, we won't but I feel that way. It's bad, but it could be worse, I've seen parts of Hoarders & I'm not that bad...but I have other issues, as we all do. There was a time that I just thought that I was missing woman genes, like the cooking, cleaning & having baby genes. I know that's not true, I just chose to ignore that. So this year, I'm making up my mind to change, to be that woman that I think I need to be. It's not that I am a bad woman now, I'm just not Mother Earth incarnate like my mom, my mother-in-law, Katie, Stephanie...all of those awesome women that surround me. BTW, that is a short list of a few of the awesome women in my life, there are SO many more but if I named them all, well, let's just say that no one has that much time!!! I have made some new friends, who have different opinions on certain things than I do & yet, I value & respect their opinion! They are awesome ladies!!! (They have some influence on me too, more than I would admit to most!) So, anyway, my goals are to: lose 30lbs by May, make A's in my classes & only drink 2 cokes a week! My overall goals for the year & the rest of my life is to become that woman that I want to be. I want to be that woman for me...and for Bobby. He deserves that woman. He loves me, which is awesome to me because he is an awesome guy!!! He is putting me through school, to become a nurse, an RN. It's awesome & scary all rolled into one & yet, I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I will be going on to get my master's so that I can be a nurse practitioner. I would have gone to medical school if I'd had the guts, but I didn't. In a sense, I'm too old to go now...not because I'm old but because it's around 9 years & I'm almost 33 so I would be 42 when I finish. Again, 42 isn't old, by any means but who wants a brand new 42 year old doctor? I say 9 years because I don't have a bachelor's degree yet so I would have to finish that & then apply & be accepted & then 4 years of med school & at least a 3 year residency depending on what specialty I choose. My master's will only take me about 4 more years so I'll only be 37! Yay for finishing school before 40!!! LOL...again, it's not about age but it's about being realistic at this point in my life. If I didn't have any desire to have children, medical school could be a more viable option. However, if/when I have kids, I want to raise them, not let someone else do it. I feel like if I went to medical school with a small child that I would totally miss out on the formative years & I don't want to do that. I want to be the parent! Anyway, I'm not saying that people who choose to have kids & go to medical school are doing the wrong thing, it's just the wrong thing for me. If I had started even in my late 20's, then I could have done it...but I didn't so being a nurse practitioner is a good option for me. Plus it gives me more flexibility than being an MD would. Ok, so those are my goals for this year...what do you guys think??? :D

I just wonder...

Recently I had a friend say something that shocked me...so I decided to get a second opinion. She said that her psychology professor had said that we don't have instincts. HUH??? We have instincts or reflexes or whatever you want to call them but I couldn't believe that, first of all that was ever stated & second of all, that she believed it. To put this in context, we were talking about women in combat, well, we were debating it which is something that I love to do. I love to debate because I like to hear other people's side & their reasoning behind it. I don't do it to get new opinions because, let's face it, I'm pretty set in mine. However, I am always open to new ideas. Anyway, I am "old-fashioned" because I don't think that women have any place in combat. Now before everyone starts ramrodding me for my opinion, let me tell you why. First off, I don't think that we're physically built for it. We tend to be the strongest in our lower body & combat requires a lot of upper body strength. It requires lower body strength too but when shooting a gun or "fighting" someone, it's mostly the use of your upper body. This is also why I don't think women should play football, be police officers or be firefighters. Remember though, this is just my opinion. I also think that we're too emotional to be rational in certain situations. Take the movie "Courage Under Fire," I consider this to be a prime example of why women don't belong in combat. I know, it's a movie but there are some parts of it that are true to life. I am a woman & I know how emotional I can be and sometimes I tend to be irrational because of my emotions. Men are not as much this way, not to say that they aren't at all but less so than women, generally speaking. Men can "turn off" their emotions where women don't usually have that ability. (Again, I am speaking generally here so please don't ramrod me!!!!) I have a friend, a woman, who is military & she said that she had a hard time with some of her training because she had a simulation where she had to shoot a kid with a bomb strapped to him/her. (I can't remember if it was a boy or girl.) Anyway, instead of just shooting, she tried to talk to the kid & ended up getting blown up. She is a mother. I'm not a mother but I don't know that I could shoot a child, regardless. I think that women have certain instincts when it comes to children that doesn't allow them to look at the situation completely rationally. Now, there are exeptions to every rule & situations that make this situation less definitive. For example, a woman on her period might react differently, we're all a little bitchy around that time in our lives. A woman that has lost a child would react differently, there are all sorts of extenuating circumstances for this. I am generalizing though. Anyway, this all boils down to the question of instincts...do we have them, or don't we???

Wait, what???? Stories of the NFL convictions

Ok, so I have an opinion about all the "stuff" that's going on in the NFL with some of the suspended players. First off, why is it that Plaxico Burress & Michael Vick have to spend 2 years in jail & Donte Stallworth, who KILLED a person, only spent 30 days???? WTF people?!?!?!? Ok, don't get me wrong, I don't think that what Vick or Burress did was ok but neither of them took a life!!!! Burress was just a dumbass, I mean, he shot himself, come on...lol!!!! Vick was dogfighting & that is a very bad thing but he killed dogs, not PEOPLE!!! Ok, for those of you who know me well, you know how much of a dog lover I am! I have 2 dogs that are my furry children since I don't have human children of my own. The very thought of someone killing dogs in that manner makes me tear up. I would kill for my dogs. That being said, they are still dogs. If they run out into the street & get run over, I will be devastated, I will probably spend time in the nuthouse but I will recover & I will NOT kill the person who hit them. I will be angry but then I have to step back from the situation & look at all the angles & make an adult decision, you know? Now, if someone kills them in cold blood, that's a whole different story...that would put me in a state of pissed off that scares even me. I know how I reacted when someone shot my husky that I had. They didn't kill him but shot him in the hind leg with a pellet gun. I know who it was & I wanted so badly to kill one of their dogs in return. Mind you, they had 3 rottweilers that were mean as junkyard dogs. They had chased some of the kids & some of the adults. They ran free & annoyed my dog consistently & they were very unruly. I contemplated calling animal control many times & I think I did once. I feel that your dog is your responsibility. That being said, I also feel that people need to take responsibility for how they treat a dog...but I digress.

What blows my mind about these three players is that people are the harshest toward Michael Vick. Seriously, Donte Stallworth killed a man who had a family while he was driving drunk but that's ok, he just killed a person. Michael Vick deserves to burn for killing dogs...it's faulty logic if you ask me.

Friends...

Well, I was thinking yesterday about my friends & how I have "given up" several of them this past year. It's sad to have to end friendships with people but when it happens, you just go on with it. I bascially stopped communicating with a girl that I had been friends with for several years. She & I just stopped being able to find a common ground I guess, plus she was just too needy. She had zero self confidence & I got really tired of having to defend or explain EVERYTHING I did so...we just sort of stopped talking, emailing, etc. I finally deleted her & her family from my phone. I used to get emails from her mom too but haven't in a while. I really hope that she is doing okay but I don't want to rekindle that friendship...I just want someone who can be my friend& not expect me to be their friend, counselor, financial guru...etc.

Another friend that I just quit talking to, was a guy I've been friends with for a while. I just got really tired of all the lies that he told. He's a compulsive liar & the final straw was when he told me he had cancer, and didn't...one of his many false ailments, I might add. The worst one was when he told everyone he had full blown aids, what a load of crap. He seems to forget that I am in the medical community & privy to a lot of information that allows me to call him on his bullshit. The worst part was when I offered to drive him to "chemo" he gave me some lame excuse about the doctor not being able to be there to start the chemo so he couldn't do it. Um, doctors don't administer chemo, nurses do...if you're going to lie, at least get your facts straight. Not to mention the fact that his life is all about the drama...I mean, I like a little drama in my life now & then to keep things interesting but, I get tired of it. I don't want to live in a soap opera!!! I have enough trouble keeping my real life straight...GEEZ!!! He was also really immature & unfortunately, I don't see that changing, EVER, so I gave up. That was really hard for me because I don't like to give up on people but over & over it was the same thing with him...

The one that I am really sad about is someone that I've been friends with for about 10 years. She is in a bad marriage & can't see that. Her husband is gay, I'm pretty sure & he married her as his "beard". He is also an emotional terrorist & told her that we couldn't be friends because I told her the truth. He is bi-polar, supposedly but the more I heard about him, the less I believe that. I would like to see his medical records. I say he's manipulative. He's also being treated for depression, which is a very real condition but he takes advantage of that & it ticks me off. I am very protective of my friends & family & when you try to screw them around, I will call you on it. Grow a set dude, life is tough & the truth hurts. The thing is, everyone at one point in their life had been through the crap. Most of us choose to deal with it & go on. That isn't to say that it never comes back up & causes issues but we just keep on working through it, right? The other thing that just totally chaps me is that he makes her totally dependent on him. She doesn't know how to drive & he refuses to teach her!!! Admittedly, she doesn't push the issue either but she is easily persuaded. She is naive & innocent to the ways of the world due to her mom being WAY overprotective. Yes, all moms are overprotective to a point but she wasn't allowed to experience life the way most of us were & she is somewhat lacking in people knowledge because of it. We used to talk about it all the time & I told her, the best thing for her to do is to stand up for herself but because she feels like she doesn't deserve the best, she doesn't. It irritates me, she is a great person & deserves her prince charming & he just isn't it...at least for now he's not. He has gotten better, I will give him that but there are still things about him that make me crazy. For example, she really wants to have kids & at first, he said he did, then he said he didn't....now, he says that they can have kids when they get out of debt! Right, and pigs will fly out my butt!!! He has student loans coming out his eyeballs. He is in the process of getting a phd, which is admirable, but 2 years of his student loans were for medical school, so that's about $60 grand. Then, when he finishes his phd & starts teaching, they will probably buy a house...do you see where this is going? I told her that isn't a good thing to wait for, plus, she should start to try now, while age isn't a fertility issue. Plus, if there is some kind of issue fertility-wise she can find out now...but he doesn't want to so she doesn't. It's almost an abusive relationship in nature because everytime you point out something he does that he shouldn't, she makes an excuse. Granted, no one is perfect & no one has a perfect relationship but most couples try to make it work by talking about it & they don't. She did finally stand up to him & things changed but not permanently...I don't know, it's just a sad situation & one I don't want to give up on. However, it seems like anytime we talk & I call him on the carpet, he tells her that she shouldn't talk to me because I am disrespecting him. Telling the truth isn't being disrespectful!!! Yeah, no one wants to hear the truth, especially if it's hurtful but most of us know to either ignore it or work on it...I don't know, sometimes I just want to kick his butt & tell him to get a life & leave her alone, but I can't,I can't interfere that way. It's not my call...I just wish that he would let her & I be friends & quit butting in. Friends are going to talk, they are going to say things about the other's family that the person may not especially like but one, the person doesn't always have to tell the family member what was said & two, if the person doesn't like what's being said, perhaps they should confront the person or something...I don't know, I just don't like it & I wish this friendship didn't have to end this way...I still haven't deleted her from my phone in the hopes that things will change...