PYHO--A day late but I decided to put on my big girl panties and write it

I have to have a confrontation with someone in my life and it literally makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. This is someone who's fairly close to me and it may cause a major meltdown and I just don't want to do it but I have to. I don't necessarily shy away from confrontation, especially when someone is hurting themselves or people around them, I could do an intervention if I had to but this is one of those things that I fear will blow up in my face. I'm afraid that this could cause a major rift between some people who are very important to me. I don't want that...at all, ever but I am deathly afraid that this will happen. I'm deliberately avoiding details to try to depersonalize it, even though I can't truly do that.

There is a person in my life who for some reason or another just flat out doesn't like me. That, in and of itself, doesn't bother me so much. I do wish that this "competition" between us could be resolved but I don't know if it will. I wish that this person and I could be best friends because of our situation but I don't see that happening and it sucks. Period. I know that I could have done something to this person to make them not like me. I don't think that I have and I have talked it over repeatedly with the people that surround this person and myself to see if we can collectively come up with anything but nothing ever comes up. Obviously, I am not perfect, not even close and I do not judge this person. I'll admit that it hurts my feelings that I am disliked but I can learn to live with that. It's just that this dislike carries over to everyone around me, including my family and I can't stand for that anymore. My biggest fear is that it will carry over to my children once I have them and I will not stand for that. So this has to happen now and soon but...I am scared.

This is not really an issue that I ever worried about growing up. I knew that there would be people who didn't like me but I never thought that it could hit this close to home. I didn't think that everything would always be hunky dory and that everyone around me would love me and that we would all just get along...but I also thought that the people who didn't like me would be adult enough to not let that bleed out around other people. This person is not that way. We had a confrontation not too long ago in front of a large group of people, a confrontation that I thought was going to end up in a fist fight. I would never start a fist fight with this person but I have been threatened twice. I don't believe that physical violence is the answer, especially in this particular situation, but I don't think this person feels the same way. I don't know for sure. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time figuring out how to deal with this and what exactly I need to say. I want to approach this in a very sensitive and loving manner. I do not want to be accusatory and ugly about it, that will definitely not get the problem solved, but at the same time, I do have to point out some particular issues that this person has and that may go over like a lead balloon. None of us like to hear our faults so this will be no different. That is not to say that this person is totally at fault because I'm sure that isn't the case. I am far from perfect and I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that. However, because I am unsure of exactly what caused this situation, I am unsure of exactly how to approach it, which is a major part of the problem. The other problem is that I am unsure of this person's reaction, no matter how I approach this issue and that is hard for me too. I have never really had a person in my life before that I just didn't know how to deal with. I have never felt "damned if you, damned if you don't" before. I don't really know where to even start. I do know that I have let this go on for far too long and that it needs to be solved. I am willing to do pretty much anything to fix it. Obviously, there are things that I am unwilling to do because it would be unreasonable or idiotic but I might get close to the line of idiocracy or unreasonability. (Yes, I just made that word up thank you!) I think the other thing that scares me is that it might not be solvable and that this person will try to make it an all-inclusive issue and I don't think that things will swing their way. That may sound conceited and I don't mean it that way but I just think that things are more likely to go in my favor...but I could be way off base. I am very saddened by the fact that this person thinks that they have the popularity vote when clearly they don't...but from their point of view, they do...I guess. I don't really know. Maybe that's the other thing that's scary...I might get "voted off the island" and I'm not sure how I would feel about that. I don't want the other person to get "voted off" either but, truth be told, that may be what happens...I just don't know.

I guess the most obvious thing here is that I have a lot of fear related to this issue...I just know that it will be tough. I also know that it could cause huge major problems and a huge major rift and I don't want that, at all. I am going to have to choose my words very carefully but my other fear is that no matter how I say this, this other person will get defensive and go off on me...which in and of itself will be a huge issue. I am fine with being yelled at, screamed at or just flat out ignored but if this person were to resort to physical violence I will have to involve the police. I don't want to do that but I don't feel that there will be any other option if that is the case. Things would just escalate from there so the very thought of that is overwhelming.

I'm really hoping that this person will respond well to what I have to say and perhaps I should give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm having a hard time though because that hasn't worked out in the past. There's a first time for everything though and this could be the bonding experience that I've always wished for.