Today is a new day!!!

So, the last two days I have complained about not having a job. Today is a new day. I've decided that I will find a job, for now. I am working this weekend and I will find something to do during the week. I plan to keep working when I start my nursing job though, for a little while, we have some catching up to do. So, I've not done well with my new years resolutions. I did pretty well for a while, but as usual, I fell off the wagon. I hate when I do that. It happens though, I'm human. I am going to start going back to the gym and getting better about going. I got sick over spring break and that totally threw a monkey wrench in everything. I'm better now so I've got to get back on the horse, so to speak. I'm really excited about this though. I don't have long to get some weight off but I can do it. As of today, no more cokes for a while. I'm not giving them up forever. I like coke, I just can't have it for about a month. I'm trying to lose some weight before my cousin's wedding May 21. It's not a ton that I want to lose and I have lost some, how, I'm not all that sure but I have.

The other thing is, I have to get my money business straight. Although, to do that, I have to have money...and this whole student thing does not work well in that area, that's why I've been griping about getting a job. I just don't know who will want to hire me for two months. I plan to stay on for a while after I get my nursing license though. I want to work prn as a nurse too...better money there than a job I'll get now. Of course, I probably wouldn't hire me because it just boils down to a money thing. Training a new employee costs money, unless you work retail, not a lot of training there, plus I've done it before. I don't know, I just hope it happens soon. I hate looking for a job, it's the worst part of getting a job. So anyway, we'll see what happens! It's a new day, go out and enjoy it!!!

Today is Thursday...

I'm ready for it to be June 13th. It's not that I'm trying to rush my life or anything, I'm just ready to work...as a nurse. Yeah, I know, I blogged about this yesterday but I feel like I'm waiting. I hate waiting, patience has NEVER been my strong suit. I keep thinking that someday I will figure it out but I don't know if I will...I'm just not good at being patient. Perhaps I feel like I'm going to miss out on something...I don't know. I'm just not good at being patient. So I guess I feel like I'm missing out on my life. I'm not, I'm living my life but I feel like the actual real life part is going to start and I'm being told to wait. I don't like it. It's partially because I'm impatient and partially because I'm ready to get on with it. We, the hubs and I have a plan and we can't get on with it until I have a job because, of course, the plan requires money. If only that wasn't the case but money is part of life and you have to learn to live with it or without it as has been the case for the last two years. Granted, I'm not going to be filthy rich but we will get to the place where we're comfortable. It will be nice to not get stressed out about how we're going to pay bills. We'll actually be able to put all of them on automatic draft and know that the money will be there. Then there's the continuing of my education and the hub's education. It's really nice to know that we'll be able to pay for it out of pocket, if we play our cards right. And, we will, we're planning on it. I have 3 weeks, 1 day, 4 hours, 41 minutes and 45 seconds until graduation...then I still have to wait. HA!!! June 13th is when I'm supposed to get my GN permit, approximately. I hope that it's then, I hope that I don't have to wait too long after graduation to schedule boards...but I may. I hope not though, I don't want to put off taking boards for any longer than I have to. I want to take them, pass, and get on with my nursing career!!! But, we're back to the waiting...so I wait. Impatiently but yet, I wait. :)

Wondering...

It's been a long time since I blogged but I felt like I needed to. I am wondering about this whole graduation and getting a job thing. I want to...get a job that is and I know I'm going to graduate but I wish that I had a job now. I wish that I didn't have to wait two months to get a job. I'm a nurse now. Granted, I don't have a license but I can do the work and I'm ready to. It's somewhat scary that I have to do this for real in two months but I am so ready. I've been told by multiple nurses that I will feel like I know nothing when I get out in the field...great, I've spent two years to know nothing...really? Oh well, I'm still doing it, nothing's gonna stop me now. I've decided that I'm going to start my bachelor's in January because I need to take some time off from school. I just can't take too much time off or I won't go back. I'm definitely getting my bachelor's and I'll decide about my master's when I finish my bachelor's just because, at this moment, I say not no but HELL NO!!! That mainly has to do with writing papers which I have apparently forgotten how to do well...at least according to my nursing professors. Oh well, I'm not in nursing to be a writer, obviously. Besides, if I ever wanted to be published I would have someone edit my work and I really don't have a desire to be published, at least not for nursing. I think I'd like to write a book but I don't know what to write about and every time I've started writing, it seems really cheesy. But I digress...

I just want to start working as a nurse and get the nurse pay. We have a plan and I/we can't start on it until I am working as a nurse...so, I'm ready. Besides, I have spent two years in school training to do this and yet, I have to wait. Thanks Texas Board of Nursing. I have to wait until I get my GN (graduate nurse) permit to start working as a nurse. So, I wait...and wait...

It's been a while...

So...it's been forever since I've blogged. I miss blogging. I wish I had time or energy to do it everyday but they are killing us with busy work at school. It's driving me crazy. At least this is the last semester of this part!!! I'm going on to get my bachelor's and master's but that's a few years from now. I'll be old and gray...well, I'm already gray but shit happens. (Sorry, it's true and there's not a better way to say that!) Anyway, I won't be that old...I might be 40 when I'm finished which gives me a good 20-30 years to work, depending on how long I feel like it. Yes, I said feel like it. I only get to live once and I'm not spending my entire life working. Obviously, I have to work, I have to pay bills, that kind of thing but, I'm not going to let work be my entire life. I have other things I want to do. I want to go to Italy, I am going to go to Hawaii in 2 years...something to consider when planning schooling. I think we're going in the summer though so I can work around that. I'm going to work around it because I'm going to Hawaii, wouldn't miss it for the world. It's not something one gets to do every day and some people never get to. I choose to, I want to. It's an experience that I want to have. Going to Italy and France is another one. So, I'm going.

Anyway, I am so ready to be done with school that I can't see straight. 56 more days until graduation, I'm so ready!!! School is about to drive me crazy and it really sucks that I have 3-4 more years left of it before I'm done!!! I've about had it but I have to keep going because I feel like I'll regret it if I don't and the upside is that I can still work as a floor nurse even if I have my master's. Basically, I can do both if I want to, so I can have my cake and eat it too. I don't know that I'll do that but I might. It depends on if we have kids or not, I can't spend all my time at work either, I refuse to do that. Life is more than just work, but I think it's important to love what you do. I think that I will enjoy being a nurse practitioner, actually I know that I will. I'm just not sure what specialty yet, right now I'm leaning toward cardiology but I love kids. I HATED my pediatrics class, which I think had more to do with the instructor than anything but there are other things that I think about that I'm not sure if I can handle. Several things that could be a game changer for me such as a really sick kid that I know won't make it. That sucks, it's reality, but it sucks. Obviously, death is a part of life and kids get sick too but that doesn't make it any better in my mind. I worked for hospice for two years and we had 3 different kids and it sucked every time. I'm glad that we were able to provide the service both for the kids and the families but it sucked, one case especially. That one will stick with me forever...so there's that to consider. There's also the occaional child that I will run into that is being abused. I don't know if I can handle that...I haven't done that well with it in the past. I've been exposed to children that have been abused and it just doesn't compute well in my mind. Obviously, there is something that I need to deal with but I just don't know how to make that right in my head, because it isn't and there's no excuse for it. There's also the parent issue, I'm talking about the parents that think every little thing is the worst thing ever and that their child has the most severe case of it known to man. That drives me insane, give me a little credit for the time that I spend in school and the education that I have. Obviously, I don't know everything, I never claimed to but I do know more about it than you do, seeing as I have been educated, so, give me credit for that. Now, if your gut tells you that something is going on then please feel free to share that with me. There's nothing like parental instinct, I know this much and I give credit there. I'm not a parent but I've seen it in action and I know that it works and that, most of the time, there is something to it. However, you have to consider that, unfortunately, it may take some time for me to figure out what's going on and there may be multiple tests involved. Some things are not as obvious as others and some things don't give obvious clues as to what they are so give me a little time and a little credit. I will find out what's going on but I may have to involve other doctors and practitioners and I have no problem doing that. You have an obligation to allow me to do my job without questioning every move I make, again, give me the professional courtesy and credit. I will do the same. If you think that I am doing something wrong or unnecessary then feel free to say so, just do it with courtesy and respect, then I can show you the same. Also, if you don't understand, feel free to ask...you just have to be respectful about it. You know? These are the things that I worry about and I know that they're legitimate concerns...so, I just don't know. Obviously, I have to make a decision but I don't have to do it right now. Plus, I have to finish school and I'll be working as I do so I'll have time to figure out what I like. Hopefully, I have a job that will translate into a nursing job once I take and pass boards!!!

Anyway, it was just time for me to blog...I needed to...blogging is so therapeutic. There are about a billion more things I wanted to say but I'm starting to get tired and I need to do some other things so I'm gonna stop for now. Good night blogsphere. Have an awesome weekend!!!

What a week!!!

Well, this wasn't my favorite week of all times...it was hectic and a little bit lousy. However, it's Friday and I don't have to work this weekend so it's looking up. I'm really tired though and I kind of have a cold...and it's possibly going to snow tonight?!?! I live in the Texas Panhandle and as far as I'm concerned, it's the weird weather capital of the world. It was in the 60's this afternoon and then it's supposed to snow?!?!? What the heck?!?! And everyone wonders why we're all sick...well there you go. This semester is really rough, especially with the busy work and having to write three papers...YUCK. I am seriously over writing papers...I just don't want to anymore. I am SO TIRED OF WRITING PAPERS!!! I'm not going to nursing school to be an author or a lawyer so I really don't want to have to learn about that or do it. I'm just throwing that out there. I know it doesn't really matter but I have never come closer to quitting in my whole school career and I'm at the end. Obviously, I'm going to finish and I will graduate in May come hell or high water...but I'm tired. Today was a pretty good day though, even though we lost two different patients in simulation which sucked...even though we kind of knew it was coming. In real life, you don't always get a patient back when you code them and it really sucks. We were talking about it and I cried. Granted, I'm a little emotional but that's ok. I need to be emotional, if a patient dying doesn't get to me at all then I probably need to stop being a floor nurse, I'm missing an essential component. And now...my eyelids are starting to droop. I had much more to say but it will just have to wait because I am unable to hold my eyes open any longer. Goodnight world! Happy Weekend! :)

Interesting

I sat down to blog about watching movies that mess with your mind but got inspired by something different as I checked my blog roll to see if there were any new blogs to read. I was trying to find something to take my mind off the movie I watched so that I could go to bed and it not replay itself in my head all night. It wasn't really scary, it was just messed up...really messed up. So I'm very grateful to have found Kelle's latest post. If you enjoy reading blogs, you'll love this one, I guarantee it. Not only does she reel you in with her words, she's an amazing photographer as well. Read her blog, it will blow you away, I guarantee it. I recommend starting with this. I would have some kleenex handy as you read this, it's amazing and will bring you to tears. However, plan to take some time because once you start reading, you won't want to stop. I sat for hours one night reading her blogs...and I was a little sad when I got to the end. I look forward to reading her blogs every day...they're amazing. Her family and her point of view is amazing. Be prepared to be inspired!!!

I'm sitting here with my cat meowing at me, I think she's telling me I need to go to bed and she's right, I do, but I had to get my brain straight first. Now I don't have to go in there and watch tv to distract myself, I'll fall asleep dreaming of little angel faces.

Friday Confessional

I love Friday Confessional...it's good for the soul...or maybe it just makes me feel better to air out some of the things I refuse to say "out loud"!!! If you wanna join up, head over to Glamazon and confess away. Her co-host is Mamarazzi and her blog is pretty fun too!!!

I confess that I HATE to clean house. It overwhelms me, so much so that I generally do not do it. There, I said it out loud. I did clean some yesterday and I got overwhelmed just thinking about what all I had to do...so I stopped.

I confess that I could spend the whole day doing nothing but reading blogs but I usually manage to somehow drag my butt out of the chair to watch some tv...or something equally productive.

I confess that this year, I am so excited about graduating but I am scared to death. I hear myself talking to people about medical things and I sound like I know what I'm talking about...but is that really me? The idea of having to be a grown up and have a career just scares me. I like being irresponsible, sue me.

I confess that sometimes, I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I wish I were shorter or skinnier or had thicker hair or longer nails or something. I don't know why. Obviously, there's always room for improvement but I felt that way even when I looked my best...so I wonder about myself.

I confess that I wonder about myself a LOT. I worry me, I mean really...the things that I think, make me wonder. Do all people feel this way? I don't know but probably...I mean, I guess I have to seem like I have it all together, when I don't, but I wish I felt like I did and I wonder if I ever will.

Ok, I could sit here and confess all day but I need to get moving. I wanted to blog and I have...so have a great Friday everyone!!!