Why does what we think about ourselves affect everything else in our lives so intensely?

I really wanted to blog today but the first thing that was on my mind isn't something that I can just put out there right now...I just can't. It's nothing bad it's just something that I don't want to deal with, which led me to this blog. I went and reread all my online journal entries and it got me thinking, "Why is our entire thought process so driven by what we think of ourselves"?

Rationally, we know that what we think of ourselves can be very inaccurate, especially when it comes to weight and yet, that's the one thing that we can't seem to control our mind on. I struggle with this on a constant basis as does many of my friends and family. Still, weight is just a part of life, not part of what makes me a person or influences my personality. Granted, at this point in my life I have chosen to be overweight, by a lot, when you take my BMI into consideration but I am happy. Well, I am happy with other things in my life and I keep putting my weight on the backburner because it seems that other things are more important. It's not that my weight isn't one of my issues, I just don't tend to be as concerned with it as other things. Yet, it can be my defining characteristic in some settings...why is that? It's so strange to me that one thing can totally consume my life. If it's not my weight, it's my grades, if it's not grades, it's fertility. Geez, can a girl get a moment of peace?

The thing is, this doesn't just happen to me, it happens to most of the people around me. I won't say everyone because I do know a few people who appear satisfied with their lives. It's not that I am unsatisfied with mine I just can't seem to project it they way they can. I don't know why, I just can't. So it seems as though, if someone else can control their opinion of themselves, why can't I? I guess this "bothers" me so much because sometimes I can just be myself, no holds barred, and people still like me. So, what keeps me from being that way all the time. The people who know me the best have seen me at my worst and they haven't gone running and yet, I feel like I can't be that person around some people. Maybe I'm afraid that they'll be judgmental, not that I should care, but maybe that's what it is. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll offend someone so I hold things back. I wish I could figure it out. It would make my brain a much calmer place sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there...so there it is. :) Have a happy & safe & blessed Easter weekend everyone!