A New Start

Tomorrow is Monday, it's a new week, a new beginning, a new start. I have some goals that I'm starting on...again. It seems like things are starting again, or that I'm getting a new start. I start my new job, with my new career, next Monday and I'm stoked. I'm so ready to move on with this next chapter of my life. 


Since I'm starting a new job, I think I need to have a new me. I'm going to hop on the change bandwagon and stay on this time. Obviously, I'm not perfect and I know that I'll fall off the wagon but I am determined to change for real this time. I want to make it permanent, I want to be better than who I am now. I am determined to make these changes stick...I know it won't be easy but I'm determined to do it.


First of all, I am determined to get healthy. This involves a diet change, weight loss, and an attitude makeover. I think that I am going to do the HCG diet for one cycle to jump start my weight loss. Then I am going to make good food choices and work out. I want to do this the right way, not the easy way. I realize that the HCG might be considered the "easy" way but I only get 500 calories a day so I don't think that will be easy!!! I want to figure out a sort of healthy way to do it, if I can. I'm not 100% sold on it though, I just don't know if I have that kind of will power. I'm going to consult a dietician first to see about how to do it and make the "most" of it...if there is such a thing.


The attitude makeover has to do with the way I handle stress. I'm not great at it. I tend to lose it sometimes. Those who know me well, know how I am. It's something I want to change though, I need to be able to handle stress a little more gracefully. I tend to get angry about things that I have no control over and it's something that I need to work on. I don't let things get to me at work, I tend to take it home with me and deal with it there, which isn't the way to do it. I need to have the courage to handle things as they are thrown at me. If someone is irritating me, then I need to handle it with them, instead of waiting until I get home or yelling at someone as I'm driving home. That doesn't solve anything. I'm not afraid of confrontation, unless I'm at work. I tend to "defer" to other people at work, which is not how I am at home...so I want to be the same person, just better. It's something that will take work everyday. However, I have made up my mind and that makes it somewhat easier. I will have to make a conscious effort to do this and I am determined to make it happen.


So, as I start this new chapter of my life, I am essentially starting new. I am chalking up all my past "mistakes" to learning experiences and I am moving forward. I am excited for this new beginning.

Friday Confessional...on Saturday because that's how I roll!!!

I confess that I am lazy. I got a job on the 21st but haven't taken the time to blog about it because I'm taking a break before starting to work. Ok, I'm really just lazy but at least I told you guys...eventually. I will be starting on August 8th and I am super stoked!!! 


I confess that the physical I had to take before starting to work nearly killed me. I thought I was going to be out of commission for a week. My thighs have NEVER hurt this bad and trust me, I have worked myself out pretty hardcore before. However, it has been a while since I worked out and needless to say, my quads were a little angry with me after all was said and done. So, I have to get my rear to the gym so that I don't die at work...seriously.


I confess that I have just been pretty lazy these last few days. I need to get it in gear. I have to get my house cleaned before I start work but I just haven't done it. It's a tad overwhelming but it must be done. I'm sure that once I finish I will feel better about it. I have to take this one task at a time. So I have a plan...and I will let you know how it turns out.


I confess that I am in the mood for a little retail therapy. However, I lack the cash to be able to do it. So I have been stalking eBay for the last few days. I did buy a new cover for my iPhone. It's awesome!!! It's purple and blingy, you just can't get any better than that.


I confess that I am super excited to be going to play golf at the crack of dawn with the hubs tomorrow. I've never played "real" golf before so we'll see how I do. I figure that I won't do well but I plan to have fun anyway. We're going to play in Angelfire in September so I need to start playing so I'll at least have some idea of what I'm doing.


I confess that I am sitting here freezing my behind off but I am just too lazy to reach over and get the blanket to cover up with...too much effort.


I confess that I have run out of things to say so I'm going to stop now...

Maybe it is me

Armand: Al, you old son of a bitch! How ya doin'? How do you feel about that call today? I mean the Dolphins! Fourth-and-three play on their 30 yard line with only 34 seconds to go!
Albert: How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered...

I'm kind of at a loss right now. I'm pretty numb...it would be nice to feel some pain right now but I don't. Usually that quote makes me laugh, but not today. I got a little bit of a blow to my self-esteem today. Well, it was more like a huge slap in the face than a blow. The way I'm feeling is a little scary because usually I'm either upset or mad and I just feel nothing. I don't know what that means, I'm a fairly emotional person and I've got nothing for this situation.

I went and spoke to the assistant HR director at one of the hospitals here because the recruiter let me know that my references were unfavorable. The lady I spoke with today said that I was rated "low to medium-low". I was shocked and hurt. Obviously, I know that I am not the perfect employee but I figured I was a favorable one. Perhaps not. I think the thing that hurt the most was that two of the references are people that I consider my friends. I didn't expect them to lie but if they didn't think that I'm qualified for the position it's something that I would have liked to have known before now.

So now I'm terrified to go to my interview Monday...I'm afraid that maybe I'm not what they're looking for. I thought I was but I guess I'm not. I'm just really at a loss...

PYHO: I just can't figure it out...

I know it's not me. I'm a good person, far from perfect, but I'm not intrinsically bad so I don't understand why I'm being continually "punished" or at least that's how it seems. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't win for losing and it's starting to get to me. I don't know what else I can do either. I have done everything that I can figure out how to do anything else that helps. 


I've even gone so far as to have a different "job" until a real "job" comes along. I'm cleaning house, doing laundry, blogging, talking to my friends, trying to carry on with "normalcy" but it's not working. I found out today that I won't be working this Sunday due to who knows what at this point. I feel like I'm always the one that gets shafted in that position. I don't get it, I say, every single time I talk to my boss on the phone that I want to work Sundays, every Sunday until I get another job and then I get screwed. Of course, that has some to do with another person there who feels like she's entitled to all the hours. She works 5 days a week, I used to work 2, now I work 1. I understand, I'm not going to be there forever, and that has never been a secret. I don't feel like I should be punished for it though. Sometimes I feel like I should confront "The Entitled One" but I know that won't help anything. 


So I really don't know what else to do. I'm just tired of feeling this way. 

I'm still waiting...

Well, I didn't get the internship at UMC dangit. Oh well, apparently that isn't "my job" so I still have to wait. This waiting game is starting to suck though. I know that I'm going to "win" this game eventually but I'm growing incredibly impatient. Nothing new for those of you who know me well...it's just not a big shocker. However, I am trying to be patient and I guess I'm doing okay with it. 


I am up for a job right now but I can't reveal too many details in case anyone I know IRL is reading this. It's just one of those things that I'm not quite ready to share with everyone in my life...I'll explain later if I get the job. If I do, it will be totally exciting though and will be what I wanted!!! So, here's hoping!!!


Anyway, one of my IRL friends started a blog today and I think it will be incredible. Check her out here. She's funny and articulate and I think the blog will be very enjoyable. Also, her kids say the funniest things...she posts them on her facebook and I usually literally laugh out loud!!!


Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm still waiting and waiting...I'm like the opposite of the Engergizer Bunny...

PYHO: Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed...with this stupid waiting for a job. I've been waiting for two months and I've got nothing. It's driving me crazy and I'm getting tired of waiting. I'm starting to feel like it's me. I don't like this feeling because I know that it's probably not me. Or maybe it is but it's not because I'm a bad person...I don't know, it's just frustrating.


I wish that I knew what else to do...but I don't. I've revamped my resume, removed some "offending" references and well, frankly, there's nothing else I can do. I have read articles on what questions to ask during an interview and how to communicate but the problem isn't that, the problem is actually getting the interview...so I'm stumped...and frustrated.


Sorry for the downer...

So, I missed it but I'm gonna do it anyway...lol

I missed the Friday confessional...by a few days but I need to do some confession so here goes...lol


I confess that I am tired of waiting for a job. I want one, I need one and I'm not good at being patient. I think that I have handled this fairly well so I feel like one should come now. Granted, I will find out later this week, maybe Wednesday or Thursday if I get to interview for the internship at UMC that I want really badly so I'll keep you posted on that.


I confess that I didn't hardly blog at all after Wednesday last week...I just didn't. I don't really have an excuse or anything, I just didn't. I wanted to but I really didn't want to do another post about not having a job so I didn't.


I confess that this isn't really all going to be a confession but I really wanted to blog something. It's kind of short and sweet but at least I posted!!!


Have a fun and safe 4th everyone!!!