I miss PINT so I'm doing it on my own...lol



Friday Confessional...warning, this is pretty depressing...

I'm bummed today...it's not been the greatest day for me. I'm trying really hard not to let it get to me but it does. Most of my friends have gotten their authorization to test from the board and have their NCLEX scheduled but I don't have mine. I called and talked to the board this morning and the lady I spoke to said it would probably be next week...but I want it to be today. It's not fair, I think I deserve to be testing with my friends and working and getting a job, but I'm not. And it bums me out...

I'm sitting here, in a sweat shirt, in May watching "The Chamber" and thinking that at least I'm not sitting on death row...and that I'm not a part of all of that kind of madness but that doesn't really make me feel better about my situation...so what does that say about me? Does that mean that I'm a selfish bad person because I'm more concerned about myself and my situation than anything else that's going on in the world right now? Maybe so, but I have to live in my world and I have to deal with what's going on in my world and right now, I can see nothing but myself and my problems...I am pathetic but right now, it's what and who I am. I know that I will feel better tomorrow, maybe even later today but right now, my life sucks and I just want to lay around and be a bum today.

Sorry this is so depressing...I just feel crappy today. My blog should be more upbeat tomorrow...

Update: I got two cards in the mail today congratulating me on my graduation and I got a little cash. Plus, I have great family and friends who love me!!! The day is looking up!!! :)

Patience is a virtue

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Or so I'm told repeatedly...and yet, I find that I generally have none. It's very annoying, even to me and yet, I have a hard time "fixing" it. Obviously, I'm getting better with age but I don't know if I'll ever master it...so there it is...lol

I graduated on May 12 and am still waiting on my graduate nurse (gn) permit and my authorization to test to take boards. It's driving me crazy. I checked today and then found out soon after that everything should be in place by next Friday or a few days after. WOOHOO!!!! That's so exciting and scary as hell all at the same time. Of course, I am still waiting on the hospital to call me to confirm that I have a job. I'm fairly certain that I do, they did check my references and all. It's been several weeks though and I am running out of patience. I know that the hiring process for this hospital is a long one, I've worked there in the past...but it still drives me crazy.

The upside is that I will be able to stabilize financially soon. That's super exciting. I say stabilize with reverence however because obviously, there is no quick financial fix. If there were, then I would have already done that, along with the rest of the world. That isn't how things work though so I have a plan and help. I will also have people to hold me accountable. I hope that my followers will help me with that some as I'm sure that I'll blog about my struggles.

On that note, I'm going to make a list for the store...for things that I actually need!!! ;)

I DID IT!!!!

It's official, nursing school is OVER!!! I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I think I might be going crazy. My tear ducts are working overtime as I think back on these past two years. I have finished the hardest thing I've ever done...now what? It's still pretty surreal at this point but at this time tomorrow, it will be for real. I'm getting pinned tomorrow. Wow, that's shocking but awesome and scary. I know that I will be bawling my eyes out for the whole thing, it's super emotional. The hubs and I were talking about it earlier and I started crying...so I told him we had to talk about something else.

Even as I sit here writing this, I keep tearing up. These are a combination of happy and sad tears. A chapter of my life is ending and a new one is beginning. And I thought nursing school put me on overload...but this, this is something new. Tomorrow, I will stand there with my classmates as we graduate from nursing school. It's amazing and I still don't really believe it. I took my last final today and that didn't even seem real. I realized, after I left the parking lot, that it was the last time I would ever be there. It made me sad and excited at the same time. I'm not finished with my education by far but I have taken a huge step and it keeps hitting me over and over.

In a little over a month, I have to take the mother of all tests. I will be taking the NCLEX-RN which is the national test for nurses. Then I'll be an RN for real. Right now, I'm a graduate nurse even though I can't practice as one until next month...which sucks but hey, it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. As I sit here thinking about that test, my throat gets a little tight, once I take that test, it's as real as it can possibly get...and I'm not sure that I'm ready. I mean, intellectually, I know that I am but it's just scary as hell. Once I take that test, I am responsible for people's lives...and that's a huge responsibility. I take that very seriously which makes it even scarier.

So there it is, I finished school. I'm going to be able to work as a nurse in a month. Then I take the mother of all tests and I'll be a real nurse...it's crazy, but worth it!

 




1 - Where aside from a toilet have you taken a dump? Explain.


The forest on a camping trip.


2 - At this point do you really think that Magic Johnson has HIV/AIDS?

I don't know...I would have thought it would have gone into full blown aids by now so I'm thinking not.


3 - Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars?

Are we talking tax free? For sure that way but perhaps even if not...it is a million dollars after all!!!



4 - Squash just doesn't sound very tasty. What say you?

I love squash...all of it!!! :)


and finally...



5 - Is it worth the effort?

Depends on what I'm making an effort for...Nursing school has been worth the effort...I think...lol

Wow!!!

So, it's 1 week, 4 days, 19 hours, 17 minutes and 52 seconds and counting until pinning...it's really almost over. And the thought totally freaks me out!!! Obviously, this is what I was aiming for in the beginning but now that it's here it seems so surreal!!! I made a final decision not to walk for graduation because I just really don't want to. Also, my brother-in-law graduates on Saturday at 9am and Amarillo College's graduation is Friday night at 7 so that means 9:30 or 10 before it's over and then a two hour drive...no thanks. Granted, I'm not going to the graduation, I'm playing with the kids, being the "babysitter" but it's all good!!! I need some quality Jobert, James & Deborah time!!! I miss those little turkeys!!! They are growing up way too fast and they'll have a cousin that will be joining them in August which hopefully I'll be present for!!! Anyway, walking isn't really that important to me and I never really wanted to but the hubs thought I needed to...until I had an excuse not to.

I was thinking today about not having any school work to do for a while and the idea is just nuts. I don't know what I'll do with all that free time...HA!!! I know, how ironic right??? I have some reading that I'd like to do but I really don't know what I'll do with all the free time other than that. Obviously I plan to be working somewhere but I'm probably only going to be working 3 days a week so what do I do with the other 4? I don't have kids and I don't know if we will or not so now what? I'm excited to actually be able to work as a nurse soon but there's that large looming question mark. Of course, I'm for sure starting my bachelor's in January but I may start before, if I can do online classes since I'll be heading to Houston in August for Mr. David Foster Oliver's arrival!!! I can't believe how many classes I have to take before I can start the actual nursing program and I'm not sure I know how to take regular classes...lol!!! I know that sounds crazy but none of the regular stuff is as hard as this, or at least I don't see how it can be but who knows??? I have 22 hours of it though...and I misspoke, I have to take chemistry and I don't imagine that's going to be easy but I know I can do it. Hopefully i can use all those classes to bump my gpa up a little more. It's fine where it is and I'm not shooting for a 4.0 because I just refuse to give up my life but still, a 3.5 would be nice. Plus I have to take statistics but my dad can help me out with that, he got an A in the class when he took it and he just gets it. Hopefully I will too but math is just not my strong suit, good thing I'm not an engineer ;)

So, I'm going to start studying for finals on Monday since I have mine the following Monday and Tuesday the 9th & 10th of May respectively. My management final is Monday at 8:30 and then my ekg class final is at 1:00 and then my critical care final is Tuesday at 8:30 and then I AM DONE!!!! I hear the Hallelujah Chorus, albeit faintly but I hear it!!! I not only see the light at the end of this tunnel but I am seeing the door too!!! I have an interview for a position in the ICU at the hospital in Borger on Monday which is awesome. I hear that the smaller towns pay their nurses better since it's harder to keep them there. We won't be moving if I get a job in Borger but if I get a job in Lubbock then we'll be moving. I don't really want to move though, the idea makes me want to hurl. I hate moving!!! Really, the next move that I want to make is when we go back to Colorado for the last time!!! I'm so ready to get back there. We were looking at pictures the other night and I still can't figure out what made us leave. The upside is that I got into nursing school and I will be a nurse when we get back there. Obviously I'll have to switch my license to a Colorado license but that really shouldn't be a problem since Colorado is a compact state too. I'll at least have my BSN by the time we move but I don't know that it will make a difference in pay. It doesn't here so who knows? I don't care anyway. I don't think that I want to be a hospital nurse forever, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to continue on and get my master's. My goal is to be a cardiology nurse practicioner. I'm all about the heart stuff, love it!!! I don't want to do surgery necessarily but I want to be able to be in on them, when I can. I'm all about seeing an open heart surgery and hopefully holding the heart. That would be awesome beyond awesome...and hopefully it will happen. I'm going to try to make it happen while I'm here so that I can at least see one. I'm just ready to be working. The thing is, I may enjoy the office nurse part of nursing and may choose to stay in that role. They have a lot of freedom, once they've put in their time and that appeals to me too. That's the most awesome part of nursing, the opportunities are limitless and that excites me to no end.

Well, I think I've rambled long enough. It's 11pm and I'm pretty tired. I was going to work on my playlist some more but I'm too tired. I think I'm gonna call it quits and head to bed!!! Have a good rest of your weekend!!!

Seriously?!?!?! FYI: really bad language ahead, sorry

I'm putting this out there because I have had it!!! I am tired of being punished for telling the truth. I am tired of being nice and tucking my tail between my legs and taking the slap in the face or the knife in the back because I do the right thing!!!! I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT!!! It all started with a phone call that I received from my "boss" last week, stating that she needed me to work last weekend and then this coming Saturday but that they were going out of town on Sunday and so she told the other girl that she could work Sunday and she "hopes that's ok". No, it's fucking not ok!!!! I need the money, the other girl/bitch does not. She is saving for a trip that she is taking in JUNE!!! I need the money to pay my bills...but clearly, that's not important. This all started because, "I worry that when we go out of town, B won't eat for you". The problem is, he won't eat for Jesus if he doesn't feel like eating, which she even said but she is punishing me because in the past, there have been times that he hasn't eaten very well for me and I have done the right thing and told the truth. I am really sick of this crap and the reality of it is, that's not the whole story...but I don't know what it is because she won't tell me. Which makes me even MADDER!!! Seriously, if I am doing something wrong, I need to be told and that seems like a simple concept but apparently, that is not the case. I got a text today that states, "Hi Sarah!! Just got home and talked to H. She wants to work Sunday as I had promised her earlier. I hope you can still work Sat. AND can you work the next wkend...May 7 and 8??? I looked at the calendar and know you cannot the next 2 times! H is going to see her Dad, as his cancer has taken a toll. She may be gone more. I DO appreciate your wanting to work. N" This is in response to a conversation that we had yesterday where I stated that I was HAVING TROUBLE PAYING BILLS because I wasn't getting to work but, H is clearly more important. It makes me see fucking red. The stupid bitch lies her ass off but I am the one being punished?!?!? How the hell does that work?!?!?! I just can't take it anymore!!!! I have to call N tomorrow and let her know that I need my day given back and that she never should have told H that she could work it because that's not right. Of course, I'm sure that I will be told that it "was my decision", as if I give a flying fuck. As you can see, it makes me VERY ANGRY!!! I'm really a pretty nice person but I have been pushed to my limit with this!!! The fact of the matter is that I am the most qualified person that works there, I'm damn near a nurse but, what the hell do I know? I know that I have never once lied and I know for a fact that H has. I also do not smoke around B but I have smelled smoke there before and H is a smoker. I do not bring my dogs to work, H does. I would never move the furniture in someone else's house, H has. By the way, when B doesn't eat for H, she feeds the leftovers to her dogs. I have seen the food in their bowls. B is a picky eater, which is bad since he doesn't really eat or drink that much. B also has seizures and when he runs out of coke, which he has had pretty much every day of his 59 years on this planet, it causes him to have seizures due to caffeine withdrawal. I bring this up and then suddenly, my days are gone. I have been working there for about 2 years, H hasn't been there as long as I have but she gets the preference. She works Monday - Friday but I can't just have the weekends?!?!? I'll be gone in two freakin' months bitch, back the fuck off. The other thing is, when she works too much, she gets really bitchy about it, N told me. I really want to throw that in her face.

I think the worst part of all of this is that the hubs thinks I should just let it go, as if it's not a big deal. It is a BIG DAMN DEAL!!!! My character is under attack here but that's irrelevant and I guess I should know that but I am really fucking tired of that shit. Also, I would just like him to take my side in this and he just won't...which irritates the fuck out of me. TAKE MY FUCKING SIDE!!!! I'M YOUR FUCKING WIFE!!! Oh fucking well, I should be used to it by now. The things that make me really passionately angry I can't get any support on and I don't get it. I stand by his side every time he gets pissy about something but he acts like this is no big deal when he knows damn good and well we need the money. I've been working weekends since I started, so I don't feel like I should be passed over for those measly 2 days. I guess I'll call tomorrow but if N says no, that she won't call H and fix the situation then Saturday is going to be my last day. What I really want to do is tell her to fuck off and drop her on Saturday but I won't...maybe...

Sorry that this is such a rant but I am at the end of my patience with this bullshit!!!!