Life as we know it...

In 6 months, scratch that 5 months, my life will change dramatically. I am going to graduate with my associate degree in nursing. I'm going to take a test, otherwise known as the Nclex or state boards, and I will be a nurse. Wow...that really just sort of hit me. I mean, it's been on the brink for the whole last semester but there were times that I wasn't sure that I would be able to survive it so I tried to look away. Now it's here and it's official. I was officially a level 4 nursing student as of last Thursday. It blows me away. In 5 months, I will have an impact on people's lives...literally. This is a good thing, but it scares me to death quite honestly. I believe that I am getting the base knowledge that I need to be the best nurse that I can be and yet, there's still much to be learned. I don't know for sure where I want to work but pediatrics was just too awesome. If I thought I could handle it emotionally, I would move to Tennessee and work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital...but I don't know if I'm that strong. I cry whenever the commercials are on and I'm getting a little teary eyed just thinking about it so...there ya go. I'm also very interested in working critical care and I don't care which unit. I would have a choice of CCU (cardiac care unit), SICU (surgical intensive care unit) or MICU (medical intensive care unit). Any of these options appeals to me, especially cardiac care. I got a taste of cardiac in my last med surg rotation and I think I might have found my home...but then there's the little ones and I loved that. I loved newborn nursery too and pediatric icu so who knows? I think I like the intensive care whether it be adult or children. I would love to work at a teaching hospital and do pediatric intensive care...but I don't know that we'll end up in a place that has that. You pretty much have to be in the city for that and the hubs is not a city person. I totally am, which shocks me but he isn't and we both have to be happy, so we'll compromise by living somewhere beautiful and in the mountains. We're going to end up back in Colorado, perhaps in the same place that we were living before we came back to the Texas Panhandle but who knows. I know that we'll go where ever I get a job. I think that we'll be staying here in Texas for a year so that I can get a little nursing experience under my belt. Not that it would matter, I could get a job anyway but we'd like to pay off some debt and save some money before we move. We're planning to find a place and build a house and you can't just do that, without money, so we're gonna get all that worked out. I think this is so scary because I'm/we're starting a new chapter of our lives. I'm going to have a career versus just having a job and then the hubs is going to school. He's had a career, he went to school, but it's definitely time for him to make a change. This career isn't what he wants to do for the rest of his life and now's as good a time as any to make a change. It makes my head spin to think that at this time next year, I will have been in my career for about six months. My classmates and I are planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate. We're waiting six months because it's HOT in Vegas in May and we want to have time to save some money so we can have some fun. I'm going to start working on my bachelor's in January and then decide if I want to go on to get my master's or be content with a bachelor's degree. I really don't know, there are pros and cons to both sides and right now I'm leaning towards a master's but I'll make the final decision when I have my bachelor's. I can't see the future so I don't know what will be happening in my life then, I may decide that a bachelor's is enough and that I want to live my life. I know me though and somehow I feel like I will be able to make a bigger impact as a nurse practicioner and so getting a master's will more than likely be the path I'll choose. If I were in my twenties, I would go to medical school...but I'm in my thirties and I would rather start my career now and work through the rest of my schooling. You can't exactly do that in medical school, working is hardly an option. I know of one school that will allow you to work eight hours a week but no more, which makes sense because there is a lot of studying to be done. Anyway, it's not as if you can just walk up to a medical school and register and go, you have to be accepted and that is a process. I just don't really want to take the time for that. I don't want to put my life on hold so that I can go to school. I know that you don't have to put your life on hold but I think that's what I would choose for me because that would work better, in my mind. Anyway, it's 10:04 and I think it's time to get up and make a pot of coffee, there is football to be watched. Ciao!!!

I don't know about me sometimes...

It's 3:44am and I am still awake. I'm kinda tired but I really want to wake up the hubs and head to Ihop for some coffee and pancakes. However, he's in there snoring and I have a feeling that he wouldn't be too keen on me waking him up right now. I'm going to be really tired tomorrow but since I don't have to go to work, it's all good. I've been reading blogs, well, catching up on some of them and for a split second, I thought about studying for my pediatrics final. But seriously, I don't think studying at this hour would be productive, even if I did have some Ihop coffee!!! I have really got to stop thinking about that because it's making my mouth water. They have cinnamon roll pancakes that are to die for...but that really isn't on my diet and they're pretty rich so two is my limit. I just really want some pancakes and coffee. Yeah, we have frozen waffles and I can make coffee but really, who wants to do that?!?!? Perhaps someone is awake and if I post my wish on facebook, someone will want to go with me...but that would definitely wake the hubs up and I don't know that he would appreciate it. He just cleared his throat so perhaps not. The gooberhead is asleep on the couch and I have gone in there several times to tell him to come to bed but he won't. He'll be annoyed in the morning but I tried and I give up. Things can get a little ugly if I get "pushy" when I want him to come to bed.

We were going to go play some golf in the morning but there's supposed to be a cold front coming in so I don't think we're going to go. The good ole iPhone says it's 46 and feels like 37 outside plus I keep hearing the wind blow so I think golf is out. I don't think a windy day would be a great day to play my first game of golf either...I mean, I doubt I'm gonna be Tiger Woods on my first golf outing and adding wind well...I just think that's a bad idea!!! When I say wind, I'm talking Texas Panhandle wind, where there's nothing to block it and it's madness. They call Chicago "The Windy City" but I'm quite certain that there's more wind here in good old Amarillo, Tx!!! Plus, when the wind blows, it doesn't mess around...LOL!!! Some days I don't really want to drive because the wind could blow my Durango over and the light poles are swaying, along with the traffic lights...it's just crazy!!!

So, instead of golf, I think I'm going to make Hubs take me to the movies!!! Harry Potter and the Deathy Hallows is out and I really want to see it. I just finished reading the book a few months ago because I was a little bit annoyed that it was the last one and I just didn't want to read it. It was good, the ending was totally predictable but hey, the good guy's supposed to win so there you have it. It was the best book, I think but it was a little harder to read. I need to go back and re-read the whole series but that will have to wait until Christmas break. I'm gonna re-read the Twilight books too. I'm a little annoyed that Breaking Dawn: Part 1 isn't out yet...I thought it was supposed to come out last month, apparently, I was wrong. So I googled it and found out that it was supposed to have come out November 18th but clearly, that did not happen. So it might be 2012?!?!? That's just unacceptable...especially since it's a two part movie and I don't want to wait years between the two movies. I honestly don't even want to wait a year but I suppose the actors will need a break between filmings dangit...but if they didn't take one, it would be done...I'm just sayin'!

Oh well...it's now 3:59 and I have run out of things to say...plus I am sleepy and I'm noticing that typing is becoming harder. I'm having to use the backspace key a lot...so perhaps I should go to sleep...but who knows, I might just go get some Ihop coffee and see how the rest of the day goes...

Grief

Grief is a funny thing, not funny haha, funny strange. You think you have it under control and WHAM, it knocks you in the back of the head. After a while, you start to process and return to life as it was but something is still different. I have been through several different grieving processes over the last few weeks. First, I found out, about 3 weeks ago, that my sister-in-law was pregnant. That was extremely bittersweet news. I was happy for her, sad for me. I've been waiting to get pregnant for 12 years...but, that's not the issue. I was still happy for her, it was just hard. I was really getting adjusted to that news when she found out today that she lost the baby. She was 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. They don't really know what happened, they think it might have been an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy...but still, it just sucks. I also saw on facebook the other day where a guy that I know lost his son...it's not been the best three weeks, for sure. So now, I'm having to continue to grieve but in a whole different way...I just don't like it. Especially for her and Brad...it just sucks. As sad as I was that she was pregnant and I wasn't I certainly didn't want her to lose the baby...not even for a second. So, just as I was getting used to the idea of her having a baby...suddenly, she's not and that's not any better. I want to go back to the way it was...but we can't. We just have to move forward...but it won't be easy. I just hope that no one close to us turns up pregnant anytime soon...that would be really hard. So, if you're reading this, and you're praying folk, pray for our family, and my friend who lost his son and his family, because we need it.

Wow!!! 2 months...really???

To say that this semester has been hectic would be the understatement of the century, for sure. This semester has been crazy busy and FAST!!! Holy smokes, it's nearly over too and it feels like it just started!!! Two more weeks and this semester is OVER!!! (I believe that I hear the Hallelujah Chorus, faintly!!!) I have a love hate relationship with my pediatrics class. I really thought that I would love it...but I don't, for the most part. I'm passing and that's important but because I've always had a love for children, I thought I would do really well. The instructor is just very hard...crazy hard. She asks us master's level questions and we're not even RNs yet!!! Still, I am determined to survive this semester and move on. My other class is going very well, it could be going better but I am spending all my time studying for pedi. I could be doing better in med surg but at this point, I'm happy with what I got. I'm just in it to win it!!! It kind of shocks me that in six months I'll be graduating...shocks and amazes me. It seems like I started yesterday and years ago all at the same time. It's very exciting and overwhelming. I have missed blogging but I just haven't had the time. I really need to be writing papers right now but I am just basking in the glow of the fact that I passed the pedi test today. I'll worry about writing my papers this weekend...I have clinicals Thursday and Friday so I won't be writing them then!!! Sorry for the long break, I was just swamped!!! Happy Tuesday everyone!!!

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday...on Thursday

It's been crazy around here. I started school last week and it is fast and furious. I am scared to death and yet, I know I can do it. Everything kind of cemented today when I was talking to my sister who is already planning her trip for next May to see me graduate. Wait what?!?!? Graduate?!!?!? I just started school!!! Ok, it's actually been a year and a half ago that I started but it seems like yesterday and ten years ago, all at the same time. I am super excited and scared to death about graduation. I am getting a great education and I will be a great nurse...but it's so scary, and final. It kind of sunk in today and now I'm a little freaked out. This is what I wanted, it's why I decided to go to nursing school but really, do I have what it takes to be a nurse? On one hand, I say yes but it makes my stomach hurt. I'm planning on continuing on and getting my masters as well but...that's just too much to even consider right at the moment.

This semester seems so much busier and harder than any other semester. I am taking two classes, pediatrics and med surg. This is my third semester of med surg, so I don't feel like I'm going to have a lot of trouble with this class. Plus, several of my friends took it this summer and they said that if I'll just go to class and pay attention, I shouldn't have any trouble. Pediatrics scares me to death!!! I love kids, I think that clinicals will be a blast. I can't wait to take care of kids...but, this class is SCARY!!! I have been reading and trying to do everything to keep up but the book is like a powerful sedative. It's very dry and I'm having a hard time reading it. I understand what I read but it's just not easy to read...I don't really enjoy it. I like to read, anything really. I haven't had any trouble reading my other textbooks but this one is killing me! I don't know why. This class is very intense, our professor expects a lot from us, as well she should. Kids can't always tell you what's going on or they don't know enough words to express themselves so it's important to be extremely precise as a pediatric nurse. I guess I wonder if I have the capacity. I thought that pediatrics might be one of the areas I wanted to work but now I don't know if I have what it takes...it just scares me. I plan on spending a lot of this weekend studying. Granted, I'll be in Angelfire with my friend but we can do some studying. She's a nursing student too and none of us turn study time down, especially with friends.

I can think of two things that brought this anxiety on. First, my sister making plans to come to my graduation and then we had clinical orientation today and we are going to have a lot more responsibility. Of course, we are getting more and more responsibility as we progress through the program but still, it's just scary. The funny thing is, until now, I was completely confident in my abilities...what changed? I don't know but I gotta get it together because I have some reading to do for pediatrics! ;)

GTKY Sunday

*to play..copy the questions..post them..then come back here and link up..it's super fun!*

The Q's.

1. If you could host a Reality TV show, which one would it be?

I would want to host "The Next Food Network Star" with Bobby Flay. I love Food Network, it makes me wish I could cook.

2. Do you put your seatbelt on before or after you start the car?
before

3. Shave or hair removal cream?
shave, hair removal cream usually burns me

4. What's your favorite feature in a house?
the master suite

5. What is your favorite "Fall" scent?
pine

6. What tv show are you looking forward to seeing the most this Fall??
Criminal Minds

7. Personal Shopper or Personal Chef?
Chef, no one can shop for me...that's kinda retarded anyway!

8. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of "Fall"?
jeans & sweatshirts

101st Post!!!

Congratulations to me!!! This is my 101st post. I posted my 100th this morning and didn't even realize it. I have a new awesome blog layout thanks to Writer Girl who is awesome and you should check out her blog! Her "critters" are HILARIOUS!!! I actually had a point when I started to post this which I have now forgotten...oh well. I just wanted to do something special for my 101st post!

I'm a little bit sad that I won't be able to be blogging as much once school starts...it will keep me very busy. I love to participate in all the different meme's throughout the week. I have the Monday Minute with Ian. I have Post-It-Note Tuesday with Supah. I have Pour Your Heart Out on Wednesday with Shell. I have Friday Confessional with Glam. I have nothing on Thursdays right now...but that could change, for a short time. School is going to cut into my blog time...stupid school!!! LOL!!! Of course, once I graduate next May it will be better but I won't be finished with school...so...it's kind of a no win situation.

I'm kind of amazed at how much I've been blogging since I've been on break from school. I did a little blogging during school, about different topics and things that touched me in some way. I love this blog, it's my free therapy and I just like to do it. I don't think that I am meant to be a writer but I do enjoy it. I would like to write a fiction book at some point in my life. I've started several but nothing ever comes of it. I did join The Lady Bloggers Society which is supposed to help me with my writing. I've thought of taking some creative writing classes also. I have some creativity...I just don't channel it well. I think I channel it best through blogging, for now. I would like to do other things though, such as write a book. I wrote a "bucket list" blog a while back. If you would like to read it, go here. Anyway, there are a lot of things that I want to do...but a lot of things can't really be accomplished until I finish school.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about the different blog meme's that I participate in. I forgot one, Getting to Know You Sunday with Keely. There are some amazing blogs out there...and I have only found a fraction of them. I wish that I had more time to spend reading blogs...but I guess I have to have a life! I have a great husband, a great family and an amazing group of friends. So I am going to go sit and watch tv with the hubs!!! Have a super weekend everyone!!!