PYHO--a solution to my "problem"

I love talking...I tend to work a lot of things out that way. I was whining earlier about the very things that I was blogging about and then I said, "Well, I put myself in that role (of counselor) and I like it so I need to learn how to deal with it". So, problem solved...mostly. It's just that I get frustrated when I'm saying the same thing over and over and doing the same things over and over and getting no results. I guess that's the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...so perhaps I'm insane! ;) It's all good though, it's what I choose and I have to accept that responsibility. Which also helps with my previous PYHO post and the person in my life that I have to "confront"...I have put myself in a certain role there and I allow things to progress a certain way so I have to fix it but this person has to be a part of it too because they have allowed themselves to be put in the opposite role of mine so we have to fix it together! :)

Ok, I just wanted to say all of that! Thanks for reading and staying with me! :) Have a great rest of the week!!!

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

Sometimes I wonder about myself...I tend to attract people that are "needy" and I can't really figure out why I keep letting this happen. Don't misunderstand, I like to help people and I enjoy it but I get really frustrated when they "won't" let me help them. I have two friends that are specifically this way. One of them, her husband tells her that I am a bad influence and not to talk to me because I call him out on his crap. That's just how I am, I'm gonna tell you if you're full of it. Plus, I feel like we all need to have a little personal responsibility and not blame our "problems" on a disease or meds, we still have some control...so use it!!!  I take responsibility for my crap, even though I don't want to so I think that he needs to also. You know? The worst part is that this friend is an amazing person who has enough on her plate without his stuff too, she is physically handicapped but he uses that to his advantage and that irritates me beyond belief. I guess the worst part is that I'm not even sure that he really loves her and she deserves better. I could go on and on about it but I won't.

My other friend is someone that I'm just not sure I know how to help...it's almost like she's a lost soul. We were really close for about eight years and then we just stopped talking. I think that I made her mad and her boyfriend at the time was feeding her all kinds of crap about me. He was just that way, very slick and slimy and able to convince you that he was right. She has a lot going on right now and has just made a very big change in her life. She is in the process of getting divorced and has moved and started a new job, all of which are very stressful. That is compounded with the fact that she has some issues from her childhood that carry over into adulthood...I have some of these same issues so I know where she's coming from. It's a process to work through and it's not easy to do and it affects every aspect of your life. So there's all of that...and it just makes things that much harder.

I guess it frustrates me that I feel like I have to fix their problems. I don't, I have my own issues, but I can't stop myself, it comes natural to me. I have always been the "counselor" in my friendships and relationships. I guess I let it overwhelm me so I have to figure out how to keep it in check. That's where I'm having the problem, I tend to think about things and talk about things repeatedly until I come up with an acceptable solution. That's how I problem solve and there's nothing wrong with that but it can overtake other aspects of my life...see, it's just a vicious cycle. Of course, knowing that I am that way is helpful because now I know how to work on it...but retraining the brain is a big pain in the butt!!! I like the instant gratification and that doesn't happen with this sort of thing, that's just not how it works, which could be part of my frustration. So I just have to keep working on it, like all the other things I want to work on...at the end of this next year, I could be nearly perfect if I get it all under control!!! LOL!!! Yeah right and if you believe that, I have some ocean front property in Arizona that I'll sell you for cheap! ;)

So, everyone go link up with Shell and pour your heart out!!!!

Post-It-Note-Tuesday

Monday Minute

1. Who is your "what-if" person?
(What-if person being what if I married this person or am now in a relationship with "this" person)

My what-if person is the guy that I dated right before I met the hubs. I thought I was going to marry him. I suppose that I would have traveled the world with him...I can't remember where all he went but he's not as attractive as he once was but I guess that I would still find him incredibly attractive...I don't know. He has a really cute little boy and seems to be very happy so I wouldn't want to take that away. I think that everything happens for a reason and I am happy with my hubs!!!

2. What is your nickname?
The hubs calls me "babe" and my brother used to call me "sissy" but he just calls me Sarah now...so I don't really have one anymore. I did have one friend that called me "shorty" though. She was 5'5" and I'm 6'! ;)

3. If you could choose how you died, how would you like to die?
I want to die in my sleep at an old age after having lived a full and fulfilling life.

4. If you could have named yourself, which name would you have picked?
LOL...I tried to change my name a lot when I was little. Two of the names were "Lisa" and "Summer Roses"...don't ask, I don't know. I was four...

5. Who were you named after or for what reason did your parents choose your name?
My first name is after my mom's best friend from college, her mom. My middle name is after my maternal grandmother. I would have been William Stanton if I'd been a boy.

PYHO--A day late but I decided to put on my big girl panties and write it

I have to have a confrontation with someone in my life and it literally makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. This is someone who's fairly close to me and it may cause a major meltdown and I just don't want to do it but I have to. I don't necessarily shy away from confrontation, especially when someone is hurting themselves or people around them, I could do an intervention if I had to but this is one of those things that I fear will blow up in my face. I'm afraid that this could cause a major rift between some people who are very important to me. I don't want that...at all, ever but I am deathly afraid that this will happen. I'm deliberately avoiding details to try to depersonalize it, even though I can't truly do that.

There is a person in my life who for some reason or another just flat out doesn't like me. That, in and of itself, doesn't bother me so much. I do wish that this "competition" between us could be resolved but I don't know if it will. I wish that this person and I could be best friends because of our situation but I don't see that happening and it sucks. Period. I know that I could have done something to this person to make them not like me. I don't think that I have and I have talked it over repeatedly with the people that surround this person and myself to see if we can collectively come up with anything but nothing ever comes up. Obviously, I am not perfect, not even close and I do not judge this person. I'll admit that it hurts my feelings that I am disliked but I can learn to live with that. It's just that this dislike carries over to everyone around me, including my family and I can't stand for that anymore. My biggest fear is that it will carry over to my children once I have them and I will not stand for that. So this has to happen now and soon but...I am scared.

This is not really an issue that I ever worried about growing up. I knew that there would be people who didn't like me but I never thought that it could hit this close to home. I didn't think that everything would always be hunky dory and that everyone around me would love me and that we would all just get along...but I also thought that the people who didn't like me would be adult enough to not let that bleed out around other people. This person is not that way. We had a confrontation not too long ago in front of a large group of people, a confrontation that I thought was going to end up in a fist fight. I would never start a fist fight with this person but I have been threatened twice. I don't believe that physical violence is the answer, especially in this particular situation, but I don't think this person feels the same way. I don't know for sure. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time figuring out how to deal with this and what exactly I need to say. I want to approach this in a very sensitive and loving manner. I do not want to be accusatory and ugly about it, that will definitely not get the problem solved, but at the same time, I do have to point out some particular issues that this person has and that may go over like a lead balloon. None of us like to hear our faults so this will be no different. That is not to say that this person is totally at fault because I'm sure that isn't the case. I am far from perfect and I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that. However, because I am unsure of exactly what caused this situation, I am unsure of exactly how to approach it, which is a major part of the problem. The other problem is that I am unsure of this person's reaction, no matter how I approach this issue and that is hard for me too. I have never really had a person in my life before that I just didn't know how to deal with. I have never felt "damned if you, damned if you don't" before. I don't really know where to even start. I do know that I have let this go on for far too long and that it needs to be solved. I am willing to do pretty much anything to fix it. Obviously, there are things that I am unwilling to do because it would be unreasonable or idiotic but I might get close to the line of idiocracy or unreasonability. (Yes, I just made that word up thank you!) I think the other thing that scares me is that it might not be solvable and that this person will try to make it an all-inclusive issue and I don't think that things will swing their way. That may sound conceited and I don't mean it that way but I just think that things are more likely to go in my favor...but I could be way off base. I am very saddened by the fact that this person thinks that they have the popularity vote when clearly they don't...but from their point of view, they do...I guess. I don't really know. Maybe that's the other thing that's scary...I might get "voted off the island" and I'm not sure how I would feel about that. I don't want the other person to get "voted off" either but, truth be told, that may be what happens...I just don't know.

I guess the most obvious thing here is that I have a lot of fear related to this issue...I just know that it will be tough. I also know that it could cause huge major problems and a huge major rift and I don't want that, at all. I am going to have to choose my words very carefully but my other fear is that no matter how I say this, this other person will get defensive and go off on me...which in and of itself will be a huge issue. I am fine with being yelled at, screamed at or just flat out ignored but if this person were to resort to physical violence I will have to involve the police. I don't want to do that but I don't feel that there will be any other option if that is the case. Things would just escalate from there so the very thought of that is overwhelming.

I'm really hoping that this person will respond well to what I have to say and perhaps I should give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm having a hard time though because that hasn't worked out in the past. There's a first time for everything though and this could be the bonding experience that I've always wished for.

Post-It-Note-Tuesday

Monday Minute

What's your real name?
Sarah
 
Have you ever fabricated a story or anything on your blog?  
Nope...no point


When in the car do you listen to the radio/CDs/iPod/etc?
Either the radio or the iPhone/iPod
 
Describe the 'sexiest' item of clothing that you own
It's a silky short and cami set that has a Dallas Cowboys background
 
Would you be willing to breastfeed your friend's three year old child?
No but that's because I think three year olds are too old to be breast fed.