There are lots of new beginnings around me lately. Several couples I know have split up, some are currently splitting up. I have a new job and a new nephew. There are lots of new beginnings. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. All of them are new beginnings though and there is opportunity in each one of them.
Most people are of the opinion that divorce is a bad thing unless there was abuse involved and I tend to disagree. That isn't to say that I am a proponent of divorce but I don't think that I have the right to tell other people what to do, plus, I can't decide what's best for someone else. I can have all sorts of thoughts and opinions on the subject but I still can't make the decision for them. Ultimately, if both parties come out of the divorce and become better people, how can I say that it wasn't the right thing for them? I used to be very judgmental about divorce, I thought that there was never a reason to get a divorce unless someone was being abused. My thoughts have changed fairly dramatically on that subject. I think that there are lots of reasons that people use to get divorced and some of them are wrong. I think that goes back to the fact that some people get married for the wrong reasons or go into the marriage with the attitude of, "we can just get a divorce if it doesn't work". I think that attitude sets them up for failure. I think that is a very wrong way of thinking. Getting married is a commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly, ever. However, I think that if the marriage was a mistake to begin with then divorce might be the only way to resolve the mistake. That isn't the case for all marriages but I don't think that you should just "learn to live with" the mistake. Sometimes changes need to be made, sometimes divorce is that change. I just don't feel like I have a right to judge someone for their decision.
All of that being said, I think that people need to think very long and hard before they get married. I think that they need to think long and hard before they get a divorce. Whatever their decision though, especially if they're family, I think that you have to support them. By supporting them, you are not condoning their decision, you are just being there for them and allowing them to cry on your shoulder if they need to. I think this is the same as teen pregnancy. Obviously, I don't condone teen sex but if my daughter came to me and said she was pregnant, I would support her. I would guide her and help her make decisions but I wouldn't make them for her, because I don't know what's best for her, she does. (Some of you may think I'm crazy, but trust me, I'm not, I've just seen the devastating consequences of parents making decisions for their teenagers.) Ultimately, I am not responsible for other people's decisions so I need to support them, they have to answer for their decisions, I don't. I have to answer for my actions and decisions so I need to focus on myself, in that respect.
I think what all of this boils down to is that I am really tired of people being so caught up in what everyone else is doing. If it doesn't involve you, why does it matter so much to you? Mind your own business, worry about your life. None of us are perfect and being judgmental and hateful about someone else's decision does nothing but hurt you.
I didn't really intend for my post to end up being this...I was going to talk about new beginnings, but this is where my heart really was today.
4 comments:
First of all- congrats on the job!
It all boils down to we never know what someone else is going through. And judgement doesn't help anything.
Well, the other thing is that emotional abuse happens all the time in marriages, but we don't see that from the outside.
Happily, my 15 yr wedding anniversary is Sunday! :-)
these are really good thoughts on marriage and divorce. it took me a couple of husbands before i found the right one for me.
i got married the first time at age 19 to a 31 yr old man. it was abusive from the jump but i spent 7 yrs building up the courage to leave and i finally did.
my second marriage was 4 yrs later, after i learned to trust and let men love me. he was a really good man but not mentally well suffering from severe panic and anxiety. the marriage lasted less than 3 yrs and he spent most of that in and out of institutions.
NOW i am finally living my happily ever after.
even thought it took 2 hard marriages and divorces to finally find the right man for me...he was worth the wait. and if i knew for certain that the days before him would lead me to this life i have now, i would do it all over again...just to be as happy as i am now.
thanks for stopping by my blog!
oh i went to reply to your comment on my blog, i always like to reply via email and your email address is not enabled.
did you know that?
this means that you spend so much time leaving lovely comments on people's blogs and they have no way of responding to a question or thanking you for stopping by or just continuing the conversation...because instead of your email address all they see is "no-reply comment".
sad right?
you can fix that if you like.
just go to your dashboard, click edit profile and click show email address and then click save profile.
easy!!!
and i PROMISE if you change this blogging will get even better and become even more fun!
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