GTKY Sunday

Go link up with MannLand5 & play along!

The Questions..

1. What is YOUR definition of sexy?

Besides Edward and Jacob...sexy is confidence and attitude

2. Would you rather clean up puke or change a poopy diaper?
Poopy diaper...no question

3. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Extrovert...for sure
 
4. If you had to give up one of your 5 senses for a year..which one would you give up?
I would have to say sight because you can "see" with your other senses.
 
5. Cake or Pie?
Cake usually but I like em' both!
 
6. If you could play any character on TV (old or current) who would you play?
Melinda Gordon on Ghost Whisperer
 
7. My favorite website is.....?
Facebook and blogger
 
8. The highlight of my day is....?
When the hubs gets home from work!!!

A few more because I'm on a roll...LOL

On a lighter note...

 

Friday Follow and Confessional (Disclaimer: some sadness here)

I am joining up with the Friday Follow because I want blog followers, I'm kind of vain in that way, I'll confess. Plus, I love to read other people's blogs and for them to read mine.

Now, on to my confessional. I confess that today I am having a bit of trouble counting my blessings. I have an amazing husband who supports me, even in this madness of nursing school. He is even willing to move to a town he doesn't like so that I can get a bachelor's degree from Texas Tech University. (FYI, he's never lived in Lubbock so how he knows he doesn't like it I don't know but that's what he says!) Anyway, he is just awesome and I am blessed to have him in my life.

I also have an amazing family who supports me in everything that I do. They are awesome and I couldn't have asked for a better support system than what I have. I include my "in-laws" in that too. I don't consider them to be my in-laws, I just consider them my second family. That's how awesome they truly are. I am so blessed by them. I have told my mom and pop "in-law" that I couldn't have done better if I'd sent out applications, and it's true, they are awesome.

Then I have an amazing set of friends, some new, some old but all awesome! They are all supportive of me as well...so why the down attitude? Why am I having trouble counting my blessings??? Well, there's something that I want, really badly, and usually, I have it all under control and it doesn't bother me but for some reason, it does today. I hate it. I wish that I could make it go away but it doesn't. Most of the time all is well and good but then this stupid issue goes and rears it's ugly head and just ruins everything. Yeah, by the end of the day or even the end of this blog I may feel fine but I don't right now...and it sucks. I really truly want to have children and at this point, I don't even care if they're "biological" or not. I definitely want biological children but I want to adopt as well. You see, I have been diagnosed with "infertility". Now, my "problem" is an easy fix but since I'm in nursing school and don't have health insurance, it's not something that I can "fix" right now. Usually, this is not a big deal. I graduate with my associate degree in nursing next May and I will take state boards and then be a registered nurse, so the "fix" isn't far off but today it seems like it's an eternity. I'm 33, which isn't old by any stretch of the imagination but when we start "trying" again, I'll be 34 which is borderline "old" from the medical standpoint. I will be considered high risk anyway most likely. I don't want that label, I just want a baby, of my own. I want my own child to start with and then we are planning to adopt. We are going to try for "our own" for about two years after graduation and then if we don't have a baby, we'll move on to adoption. I figure that we shouldn't have any problem getting pregnant with help, there's no indication that I can't carry a baby to term so we'll see. I truly believe that once this whole plan gets going then we'll be able to get pregnant, I just don't know how long it will take. Having been down this road once before, several years ago, I don't know how much of it I'll be up for. It's absolutely devastating to have a procedure and then not end up pregnant. Luckily, I am not doing in vitro fertilization (IVF), I can do the intrauterine insemination (IUI) and that should be successful. It's just that I don't know how many times I'll have to do it before it "takes" and I don't know how much of it I can take. I have faith that I am supposed to have children of my own...but I don't know if I am able to wait on God's timing...I mean, I'm 33 right? I know that I don't have control over this whole situation and I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason...but that really isn't helpful right now. I just wish that I could get some kind of "sign" that everything will work out the way I want it to...even though it may not. I'm sorry that this post is so depressing but it's how I feel today. I don't always feel this way, usually I'm pretty upbeat and happy and like I say, by the end of today I'll be feeling better or possibly sooner than that. I just wish that I could control my emotions sometimes. The worst part of the whole thing is, I never know what will set it off. Today it was Facebook. I was looking at pictures of a pregnant woman and reading the comments and it hit me...and it sucks. Don't misunderstand, I am ecstatic for that woman, it sounds like she was having a hard time getting pregnant and I am happy, truly happy for her. I've been there, for twelve years now. I know exactly what she went through. The first five or so years were the hardest because that was the stage where it seemed like EVERYONE was pregnant or had a baby. Now, for the most part, I'm pretty happy-go-lucky about it and am starting to feel better even as I type this. Yet, I have this incredible ache in my heart and my arms even feel heavy. I don't like to feel this way, I feel as though I'm letting everyone, including myself, down, when I feel this way and yet I have no control over it. Maybe that's the worst part is the loss of control. I'll confess, I'm a control freak and yet, this is something that I can do absolutely nothing...it's a lesson that it took a long time for me to learn. If I am supposed to have a baby then I will, regardless of what I do or don't do. God shows me this all the time and sometimes I choose to ignore it or disregard it. I know that it's an issue where God is in control because I have seen people get pregnant when it should have been impossible. My hubby and I know a couple that he had a vasectomy and her tubes were tied and she still got pregnant!!! Tell me that's not a miracle and a divine intervention.

The downside to all of this though, is that I may not be supposed to have children, maybe I am supposed to take care of other people's children. I am going into the medical field, first as a nurse, then as a nurse practitioner. I am planning on being a family nurse practitioner because I get to see everyone, the whole family! However, I have my pediatrics class next semester so that could change everything. I had my OB rotation last semester and my favorite part of that was newborn nursery. It was amazing and hard but in spite of my feelings, I loved it! I have always loved children and wanted children. There was a time in my life that I thought that I was supposed to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) but I really don't feel like that is my true calling. I have been blessed with the ability to be a medical professional and so I'm on that track. I finally feel like I am fulfilling my destiny...but there's still this big question. Babies or no babies? I don't know but I guess we'll see eventually. Thanks for listening/reading and I hope you have a blessed and fulfilled Friday!

Holy Cannoli Batman!!!

I am so behind on reading blogs it's ridiculous...and I don't have an excuse, I've been out of school for nearly a week!!! I don't know what the deal is although Blogger is being kind of weird, my blog keeps showing up on my blogroll. I don't follow myself, that would be redundant!!! I'm gonna get caught up though...eventually.

In other news, the hubs had to dump my computer because I'm a dummy and downloaded a virus. Obviously it wasn't intentional, I was trying to get museum dollars for my Treasure Madness game on Facebook but I got a virus along with whatever I downloaded. So, no more downloading stupid game toolbars for me!!! The upside to this was that I finally got to update my iPhone to OS 4.0!!! It's pretty cool but the sad thing is, I have three game folders. Yeah, three...I put my iPhone to good use!!! I gotta have something to do other than read blogs all day, right? :)

I am missing this music post that someone used to do. I have been listening to "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon nonstop for the last two days. I've also been watching the video on youtube. Chevy Chase is in the video and it is hilarious...I laughed so hard I cried! I remember watching the video, back in the day, on MTV when they actually showed videos and played music. Heck, I remember when MTV started...and now it's all shows. Even VH1 is all shows practically, it's so weird. Hello, MTV stands for MUSIC television, but perhaps they forgot!!! I don't know, things are so different these days as far as tv and music go. Anyway, Paul Simon took me back to that, the good 'ole days. One of my other favorite videos from that time is "Take On Me" by Aha because it starts out real, goes to cartoon format and then ends up real, if I remember correctly. That's always been one of my favorite videos.

The other song that I am obsessed with lately is "Mad" by Ne-Yo. I have been alternating between him and Paul Simon...strange, I know but that's how my taste in music is!!! I like it all from Mozart to Metallica. What I listen to usually depends on my mood...I guess. The hubs and I haven't been fighting so I don't know why "Mad" is a fave but it is. I'm gonna have to put it on my phone so I can listen to it. I love to sing it at the top of my lungs when I'm in the car. People driving by me must think I'm crazy! I don't care though. I love to sing and I have a fairly decent voice, or so I've been told. Besides, my dogs don't howl when I sing so it can't be that bad! ;)

I'm going to have to stop this post...Blogger or my computer is being weird and it's getting on my nerves. I should get back to my blogroll anyway, there's a ton more to read!!! Have a good rest of the night everyone! :)

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

I sometimes worry about the field that I have chosen for my career. I am going into the medical field. My ultimate goal is to be a family nurse practitioner. Right now I am in school getting a two year registered nurse (RN) degree. I love it. I am where I am supposed to be, but I still worry. The whole universal health care conundrum scares me to death. It's not that I am totally opposed to everyone having access to good, affordable health care by any means, I just don't know what it means for me. I am worried that it will have a huge effect on my salary. That sounds very selfish but I don't mean it that way. I just want to have a successful career where I make good money. I don't think that I need to be a multimillionaire or anything like that, I just want to be comfortable. I want to be able to pay my bills without thinking twice. I want to be able to shop, within reason, whenever I want and things like that. I am afraid that this whole universal health care bill will cause me to not be able to make that kind of money. So I guess it is selfish but is it wrong for me to want to be successful? I don't want to be successful at the expense of other people but the medical field is a business just like any other business, it needs to make money. Granted, there should be more nonprofits in the medical field but there aren't. I think that everyone deserves to have quality, affordable health care when they need it. I would be willing to work with people if I had my own practice, but I won't because I don't want that hassle. I want to be in a group where I don't have to be on call all the time and have some time off. It's just something that I think about.

Another issue that I have with the universal health care bill is the cuts that are being made to the Medicare hospice benefits. That just flat out makes me angry. I worked for hospice for about a year and a half and it is one of the best programs out there as far as medicine is concerned. I think that the whole of medicine could learn a lesson from hospice. Hospice is a place where people are dying, it is very sad but yet, it is a time of joy. It's very hard to explain unless you've been a part of a hospice experience but, for the most part, people who have been would recommend it. Of course you have your naysayers, ones who have had bad experiences but I would imagine that the majority would say it's a good thing. I think that people have a right to die with dignity. I think that quality of life is just as important at the end of life as it is at any other time in a person's life. Of course, quality of life is a huge issue in hospice, at least a good hospice. The goal is to give the patient the best quality of life as their life comes to an end. It involves every facet of a person's life. It involves the family as well. It's just an amazing thing that is being cut because it's "unnecessary". Well, I disagree. It's not perfect but the blessing that it allows families to have shouldn't be cut. I don't know what the answer is but cutting the already minimal benefits isn't the answer!!!

I don't know what the answer to the universal health care plan is. I believe that it can be a great benefit but just like our welfare system, there will be people who "work the system" and I think that there should be enormous consequences for them. I think my biggest fear is how it will be legislated because there's a lot of moral issues involved with health care and that is always very personal to people. It's personal to me. I don't know, it seems like there's not an easy answer. If you had asked me before I took my mental health class this summer then I would have said I was all for it except for people who don't have a job, or refuse to get one but, there's a portion of those people who are unable to keep a job due to mental illness. I think that those people deserve to have good health care too. It's an issue where there are no easy answers. I believe that if you are truly unable to work then you should be able to have quality, affordable health care. However, if you choose not to work then the hell with you. The key word here is CHOOSE. There are people out there who think that our government should support them, I disagree. Granted, at the moment, I am "living" off the government, sort of but I still work some and make money. I am just getting student loans so that I have help paying my bills. I am also going to look for at least a part-time job so that I have some steady income coming in. I can't be someone who doesn't contribute to society in any way, I just don't believe in that. See, it's just a tough issue. The problem is weeding out the people who are just trying to take advantage...it's imperfect, as is the screening or weeding out process for the welfare system. Again, I don't have all the answers I just think that we should be very careful when doling out our money for health care. I just wish there was an easy answer....

Post-It-Note-Tuesday