This hasn't been the greatest week for me as far as people are concerned. Everywhere I turn I see self-important, no one else matters, people. Unfortunately, at times, I have to include myself in that statement. Overall, however, I tend to understand that the world does not revolve around me no matter how badly I wish for it. Plus, I also understand that the choices I make can sometimes affect those around me adversely and so I try not to just think of myself. This week has made my efforts increasingly hard.
I have had several near misses in my car because someone, at the last minute, decides to cut across three lanes of traffic or decides to turn right in front of me or someone else, without slowing down or using their blinker. They just slam on their brakes and then have the audacity to flip the person behind them off. Yesterday, I was heading to lunch with Bobby and there was a young girl in her yellow aveo not paying attention and going very slow. I went around her and then, as I was passing her, she sped up but I had already almost passed her so I sped up as well and went on...she flipped me off. I thought about slowing down and getting behind her and following her to wherever she was headed and letting her know that it wasn't my fault that she didn't pay attention when she drove, instead I smiled and waved and went about my way. I really hoped that it made her furious, I still hope that. I am so sick of self-serving, self-important teenagers that I can't see straight.
Yesterday, my neighbor across the alley, her dogs got out. She has two little weenie dogs. I am a big dog lover and would like to think that my neighbors would keep my dogs from running onto our super busy street and getting run over but I doubt it. I know that my next door neighbor would, because he has. The other three people in our neighborhood that I have kept their dogs, could give less of a crap, therefore, I am no longer inclined to save their dogs. I will though, I can't fault an innocent animal it's owner, they don't have a choice. Anyway, I said all of that to say that yesterday, after a phone call, the girl came to get her dogs and she didn't even say thanks. She wasn't even grateful, as if that was my duty to keep her dogs. Next time, I'll just take them to the pound with no note if that's how she wants to be. Although, I hate to think that they would be put down because they are sweet dogs. They just deserve a better owner. Oh well, I am tired of people right now. I will try to avoid them for the next few days, overall and perhaps my optimistic outlook will return. We shall see.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Ghosts
I am sitting here watching a marathon of "Ghost Whisperer" on Syfy and it got me to thinking about ghosts. So I decided to write about them. Let me preface this by saying that I do not, in any way, consider myself a paranormal expert, I don't own any equipment, I have just had experiences in the past. I haven't had any scary experiences or experiences where I felt unsafe. I wouldn't say that I wasn't initially scared but then, my sense clicked in and the "scary" feeling went away.
My first experience was in the 3rd grade at my friend's house. She had told me that she had a ghost at her house which I didn't believe because at the time I didn't believe in ghosts at the time. I believe that the previous owner of the house that my friend's family was living in at the time passed away in the house, from old age. If I remember correctly, she was just alone when she died. Anyway, my friend told me that the ghost would knock her chalkboard off of the wall which I thought was absurd. I went over to spend the night one night and heard someone walking down the hall. I assumed that it was one of her parents coming to check on us. As the person entered the room, I looked over out of the corner of my eye to see a whitish figure in a "dressing gown". I think she knew that I was awake because I saw her go over to the chalkboard but instead of just knocking it off the wall she just took it down and set it on the dresser or whatever was under it. It turned out, I think, that a picture of her son had hung there so my friend moved her chalkboard and that was the end of that. However, I was a believer because this is something that I saw with my own eyes.
The second encounter that I had was with a ghost that lived at the top of the stairs in our house in Frisco, CO. I never did see this one but I always felt a benign presence there, from the time we moved in. That door was always locked because it led to the upper house where my landlady lived. One of our good friend's dog, Shiba, would always go sit at the bottom of the stairs and just look up. She never barked or growled, she would just sit, as if she were listening to someone. I think I even remember her cocking her head from time to time. My cat would bolt through there as if she were scared to death. Anyway, one day I just decided to talk to this ghost while I was getting dressed. I think I might have been off that day but I distinctly remember that it "touched" me on the shoulder. I just suddenly felt a cold chill shoot through me. I asked the ghost not to touch me after that and I explained why. I immediately felt a sense of remorse so I told him/her that it was okay but that the touch was uncomfortable for me. I also told him/her that I wished that we could communicate, if not verbally, some other way. I never did feel a touch again but I always felt that presence. I never felt that I was in danger or scared around that ghost though, I just wish that I could have seen it or found out more about it. I am going to have to do some research there.
The third ghostly encounter that I had was with Bobby's great aunt, Jeanetta. We lived in her house when we first moved back to Amarillo from Colorado. We were remodeling the house we currently live in. Anyway, I remember that Pam, my mother-in-law, was having dreams about her or had dreams previously regarding Jeanetta. She said that Jeanetta had been trying to tell her something but that she was unable to understand. Anyway, we hadn't been living there that long when I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen. We had left a light on and I went to turn it off and saw her standing in front of the guest bathroom door. I saw her as plainly as I am sitting here looking at my computer. I jumped at first and then told her not to scare me again, I was fine with communication but she disappeared and I never saw her again. I have felt her presence several times since then but haven't seen her so who knows.
Anyway, ghost stories have always fascinated me even when I didn't believe them. I can't say that I completely understand them or what they are because I'm not sure that spirits get stuck here on Earth, I don't really know what I think but I can't find anything that gives me any direction there. Anyway, I just wanted to post this...so there it is. Do with it what you will.
My first experience was in the 3rd grade at my friend's house. She had told me that she had a ghost at her house which I didn't believe because at the time I didn't believe in ghosts at the time. I believe that the previous owner of the house that my friend's family was living in at the time passed away in the house, from old age. If I remember correctly, she was just alone when she died. Anyway, my friend told me that the ghost would knock her chalkboard off of the wall which I thought was absurd. I went over to spend the night one night and heard someone walking down the hall. I assumed that it was one of her parents coming to check on us. As the person entered the room, I looked over out of the corner of my eye to see a whitish figure in a "dressing gown". I think she knew that I was awake because I saw her go over to the chalkboard but instead of just knocking it off the wall she just took it down and set it on the dresser or whatever was under it. It turned out, I think, that a picture of her son had hung there so my friend moved her chalkboard and that was the end of that. However, I was a believer because this is something that I saw with my own eyes.
The second encounter that I had was with a ghost that lived at the top of the stairs in our house in Frisco, CO. I never did see this one but I always felt a benign presence there, from the time we moved in. That door was always locked because it led to the upper house where my landlady lived. One of our good friend's dog, Shiba, would always go sit at the bottom of the stairs and just look up. She never barked or growled, she would just sit, as if she were listening to someone. I think I even remember her cocking her head from time to time. My cat would bolt through there as if she were scared to death. Anyway, one day I just decided to talk to this ghost while I was getting dressed. I think I might have been off that day but I distinctly remember that it "touched" me on the shoulder. I just suddenly felt a cold chill shoot through me. I asked the ghost not to touch me after that and I explained why. I immediately felt a sense of remorse so I told him/her that it was okay but that the touch was uncomfortable for me. I also told him/her that I wished that we could communicate, if not verbally, some other way. I never did feel a touch again but I always felt that presence. I never felt that I was in danger or scared around that ghost though, I just wish that I could have seen it or found out more about it. I am going to have to do some research there.
The third ghostly encounter that I had was with Bobby's great aunt, Jeanetta. We lived in her house when we first moved back to Amarillo from Colorado. We were remodeling the house we currently live in. Anyway, I remember that Pam, my mother-in-law, was having dreams about her or had dreams previously regarding Jeanetta. She said that Jeanetta had been trying to tell her something but that she was unable to understand. Anyway, we hadn't been living there that long when I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen. We had left a light on and I went to turn it off and saw her standing in front of the guest bathroom door. I saw her as plainly as I am sitting here looking at my computer. I jumped at first and then told her not to scare me again, I was fine with communication but she disappeared and I never saw her again. I have felt her presence several times since then but haven't seen her so who knows.
Anyway, ghost stories have always fascinated me even when I didn't believe them. I can't say that I completely understand them or what they are because I'm not sure that spirits get stuck here on Earth, I don't really know what I think but I can't find anything that gives me any direction there. Anyway, I just wanted to post this...so there it is. Do with it what you will.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Why does what we think about ourselves affect everything else in our lives so intensely?
I really wanted to blog today but the first thing that was on my mind isn't something that I can just put out there right now...I just can't. It's nothing bad it's just something that I don't want to deal with, which led me to this blog. I went and reread all my online journal entries and it got me thinking, "Why is our entire thought process so driven by what we think of ourselves"?
Rationally, we know that what we think of ourselves can be very inaccurate, especially when it comes to weight and yet, that's the one thing that we can't seem to control our mind on. I struggle with this on a constant basis as does many of my friends and family. Still, weight is just a part of life, not part of what makes me a person or influences my personality. Granted, at this point in my life I have chosen to be overweight, by a lot, when you take my BMI into consideration but I am happy. Well, I am happy with other things in my life and I keep putting my weight on the backburner because it seems that other things are more important. It's not that my weight isn't one of my issues, I just don't tend to be as concerned with it as other things. Yet, it can be my defining characteristic in some settings...why is that? It's so strange to me that one thing can totally consume my life. If it's not my weight, it's my grades, if it's not grades, it's fertility. Geez, can a girl get a moment of peace?
The thing is, this doesn't just happen to me, it happens to most of the people around me. I won't say everyone because I do know a few people who appear satisfied with their lives. It's not that I am unsatisfied with mine I just can't seem to project it they way they can. I don't know why, I just can't. So it seems as though, if someone else can control their opinion of themselves, why can't I? I guess this "bothers" me so much because sometimes I can just be myself, no holds barred, and people still like me. So, what keeps me from being that way all the time. The people who know me the best have seen me at my worst and they haven't gone running and yet, I feel like I can't be that person around some people. Maybe I'm afraid that they'll be judgmental, not that I should care, but maybe that's what it is. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll offend someone so I hold things back. I wish I could figure it out. It would make my brain a much calmer place sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there...so there it is. :) Have a happy & safe & blessed Easter weekend everyone!
Rationally, we know that what we think of ourselves can be very inaccurate, especially when it comes to weight and yet, that's the one thing that we can't seem to control our mind on. I struggle with this on a constant basis as does many of my friends and family. Still, weight is just a part of life, not part of what makes me a person or influences my personality. Granted, at this point in my life I have chosen to be overweight, by a lot, when you take my BMI into consideration but I am happy. Well, I am happy with other things in my life and I keep putting my weight on the backburner because it seems that other things are more important. It's not that my weight isn't one of my issues, I just don't tend to be as concerned with it as other things. Yet, it can be my defining characteristic in some settings...why is that? It's so strange to me that one thing can totally consume my life. If it's not my weight, it's my grades, if it's not grades, it's fertility. Geez, can a girl get a moment of peace?
The thing is, this doesn't just happen to me, it happens to most of the people around me. I won't say everyone because I do know a few people who appear satisfied with their lives. It's not that I am unsatisfied with mine I just can't seem to project it they way they can. I don't know why, I just can't. So it seems as though, if someone else can control their opinion of themselves, why can't I? I guess this "bothers" me so much because sometimes I can just be myself, no holds barred, and people still like me. So, what keeps me from being that way all the time. The people who know me the best have seen me at my worst and they haven't gone running and yet, I feel like I can't be that person around some people. Maybe I'm afraid that they'll be judgmental, not that I should care, but maybe that's what it is. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll offend someone so I hold things back. I wish I could figure it out. It would make my brain a much calmer place sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there...so there it is. :) Have a happy & safe & blessed Easter weekend everyone!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday Confessional
Well, I felt as if I should confess since it's Friday confessional. I haven't done a darn thing today, I have been lazy. I have played Words with Friends, Scrabble and Zombie Farm all day...so I have been lazy! I have an excuse, but no one wants to hear it, trust me! ;) Anyway, there's that.
I am excited about this weekend. It's Easter weekend and I am spending it with my family, both sides. We're spending Saturday with Bobby's family and Sunday with my family. I should probably call my mom and tell her that we're coming. However, I doubt that she'll be upset that we show up. Advance warning is always good though, besides, she's my mom, she'll cook something awesome!!! :D
The other thing that I must confess is that I am afraid of this semester, I am just not into it. I have to start studying though. I will start Monday, I will be a good little student for the rest of this semester. I have about a week break before I start my summer class. I am excited about summer school though, because I got the class I wanted!!! I am a little worried about the fast pace of the summer class and how I'm going to pay for it but I will figure it out!
Ok, that's enough confessional, I think I've gotten it all off my chest...LOL
I am excited about this weekend. It's Easter weekend and I am spending it with my family, both sides. We're spending Saturday with Bobby's family and Sunday with my family. I should probably call my mom and tell her that we're coming. However, I doubt that she'll be upset that we show up. Advance warning is always good though, besides, she's my mom, she'll cook something awesome!!! :D
The other thing that I must confess is that I am afraid of this semester, I am just not into it. I have to start studying though. I will start Monday, I will be a good little student for the rest of this semester. I have about a week break before I start my summer class. I am excited about summer school though, because I got the class I wanted!!! I am a little worried about the fast pace of the summer class and how I'm going to pay for it but I will figure it out!
Ok, that's enough confessional, I think I've gotten it all off my chest...LOL
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Interesting thought...
Ok, I have to start writing this before the page is finished loading because I will forget. I hate that I have a sorry short term memory but I have an incredible long term memory to make up for it. I have an iphone to compensate for my short term memory issues.
Anyway, I just had a thought that is incredible for me. I have always thought of myself as a "medical" person. I am even, still at this moment, entertaining the thought of going through the 3 year family medicine program at Texas Tech. This is an afterthought, of course, to finishing nursing school. The other side of me is a literary person. I love to read, always have. I started reading at 4 and haven't stopped since. Right now, being a nursing student, I don't do as much extra curricular reading as I'd like but I am meandering through the phenomenon that is The Twilight Saga for the second time. Anyway, I want to be a writer. There, I finally said it. I said I wanted to write a book in my bucket list blog but writing a book and being a writer are two entirely different things.
Let me explain. I have a book that I have read over and over called "Say Goodnight, Gracie" by Julie Reece Deaver and it is one of my all time favorites. It is a book about a girl, Morgan, who's best friend is killed. It's the story of her grief. Anyway, it touched me. I read it my sophomore year in high school and have continued to read it since then. However, I thought it was the only book she'd ever written. Thanks to the wonders of Google, I just found that wasn't true. However, until just a minute ago, I thought it was the only book she'd written. I have another book that I love called, "The Tender Bar" by J.R. Moehringer that I picked up at Borders in Oklahoma City because the cover looked intriguing. It's actually a memoir and, as far as I can tell, the only book he's ever written. He did collaborate with Andre Agassi on his autobiography but he's not written another book. I don't know if he's a good example for my point or not but some people, are just born to tell stories in book form and some aren't. I hope that I am, but we'll see because I know that writing is a tedious process.
Some of the factors that I consider about being a writer is that I am able to sit in front of the computer for hours on end. I don't know if this is good or bad but I am able to do it with very few interruptions. I tend to be on the internet a great deal of the day, which might contribute to the fact that I am struggling in one of my classes at the moment but that's another story. The other thing that makes me think that I might enjoy being a writer is the fact that I love to write. Even as I am sitting here "writing" this blog, I feel peaceful. I feel the same way with nursing...so perhaps I have a split personality. Anyway, there, it's out there for all to see now, I want to write. Say what you will.
Anyway, I just had a thought that is incredible for me. I have always thought of myself as a "medical" person. I am even, still at this moment, entertaining the thought of going through the 3 year family medicine program at Texas Tech. This is an afterthought, of course, to finishing nursing school. The other side of me is a literary person. I love to read, always have. I started reading at 4 and haven't stopped since. Right now, being a nursing student, I don't do as much extra curricular reading as I'd like but I am meandering through the phenomenon that is The Twilight Saga for the second time. Anyway, I want to be a writer. There, I finally said it. I said I wanted to write a book in my bucket list blog but writing a book and being a writer are two entirely different things.
Let me explain. I have a book that I have read over and over called "Say Goodnight, Gracie" by Julie Reece Deaver and it is one of my all time favorites. It is a book about a girl, Morgan, who's best friend is killed. It's the story of her grief. Anyway, it touched me. I read it my sophomore year in high school and have continued to read it since then. However, I thought it was the only book she'd ever written. Thanks to the wonders of Google, I just found that wasn't true. However, until just a minute ago, I thought it was the only book she'd written. I have another book that I love called, "The Tender Bar" by J.R. Moehringer that I picked up at Borders in Oklahoma City because the cover looked intriguing. It's actually a memoir and, as far as I can tell, the only book he's ever written. He did collaborate with Andre Agassi on his autobiography but he's not written another book. I don't know if he's a good example for my point or not but some people, are just born to tell stories in book form and some aren't. I hope that I am, but we'll see because I know that writing is a tedious process.
Some of the factors that I consider about being a writer is that I am able to sit in front of the computer for hours on end. I don't know if this is good or bad but I am able to do it with very few interruptions. I tend to be on the internet a great deal of the day, which might contribute to the fact that I am struggling in one of my classes at the moment but that's another story. The other thing that makes me think that I might enjoy being a writer is the fact that I love to write. Even as I am sitting here "writing" this blog, I feel peaceful. I feel the same way with nursing...so perhaps I have a split personality. Anyway, there, it's out there for all to see now, I want to write. Say what you will.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
A title for my book
I have come up with a title for my book, "Random Rantings of a Self-Involved Sarah". I think I might just publish my blog & see how that goes. Obviously, there will have to be a lot more writing done before it's even close to a book. Even if I don't publish my blog, I'll figure something out. I think I want to be Jen Lancaster, but since that job is taken, I'll just have to be me. ;) I'm not so bad. I'm a little selfish and lazy but you won't find a more loyal friend than me. I know that sounds conceited but it's true, ask my friends. I get a little crazy when people mess with my friends and/or family. I even get protective of people I don't really know. If someone were to do something to my internet friends Kristi, Jayne or Linda, I would have to retaliate. I have never met these amazing women in person and yet I would do whatever I could to help them. So, as a side note, don't mess with my friends and/or family unless you want to deal with me. I mean that as a threat, not a promise, ok?
Ok, anyway, back to my title. I am pretty self-involved. I like for things to go my way and to be able to do what I want whenever I want. However, I am not conceited, I don't think. I definitely try not to be. I have to work on my self-confidence because I want to be a confident woman but that is a super hard thing to accomplish. Although, I did have an epiphany the other day...I'm not so bad. There are things I need to work on, for sure, but I am who I am & doggonnit, people like me!!! There's my token Stewart Smalley reference. I know, I didn't get the whole thing in there but I got what I think is the funniest part! Anyway, I know that part of being confident is just being confident. It's amazing what your brain can do for you. So, I have decided to work on my self-confidence and just be happy with who I am. I am working on self-improvement currently. I am in school and am working on losing weight. I have the hair cut that I like so that part is good. Now for the body. I realize that this is a long process so I have to keep telling myself that I'm gonna make it.
Ok, anyway, back to my title. I am pretty self-involved. I like for things to go my way and to be able to do what I want whenever I want. However, I am not conceited, I don't think. I definitely try not to be. I have to work on my self-confidence because I want to be a confident woman but that is a super hard thing to accomplish. Although, I did have an epiphany the other day...I'm not so bad. There are things I need to work on, for sure, but I am who I am & doggonnit, people like me!!! There's my token Stewart Smalley reference. I know, I didn't get the whole thing in there but I got what I think is the funniest part! Anyway, I know that part of being confident is just being confident. It's amazing what your brain can do for you. So, I have decided to work on my self-confidence and just be happy with who I am. I am working on self-improvement currently. I am in school and am working on losing weight. I have the hair cut that I like so that part is good. Now for the body. I realize that this is a long process so I have to keep telling myself that I'm gonna make it.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday Confessional
I've heard that confession is good for the soul. I keep reading about this on my friend Linda's blog so I thought I would join in the fun!!!Today I have done absolutely nothing productive. I haven't wanted to, it's the last day of spring break & I am sad. I don't want to cook supper, I don't want to go buy a new spaghetti pot, I don't want to do a darn thing. I'm going to have to though...dangit. I'll go in a little bit though. I just don't want to right now.
I have been sitting at my computer, doing nothing, since I got home from having lunch with the hubby. This is after I got up at 11 am. I have been playing Treasure Madness all day & haven't stopped because I wanted to level up again. I need to be studying, but I don't want to...
Ok, 3rd & final confession for today. I am about to start searching for a way to make spaghetti without boiling it. If I can't find something easy enough for me to do then I will have to make the trip to Wal-Mart to buy a new spaghetti pot. I don't want to go to Wal-Mart...or make spaghetti, or take a shower or anything else. I just want to sit & play Treasure Madness...LOL
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