PYHO: Will I ever get there?

So, on my last post, which was a while ago, I said I was going to change the focus of my blog...and then I didn't blog again about it. I've been busy, sort of, with work and such. I'm getting used to the night schedule, which I happen to love, even though it's just as busy as the day can be. The upside of nights is that there's not as many people, which is nice. I don't dislike days, I just dislike the bustle of it...due to all the people. At night, I get to take care of the patient, without dealing with all the other "people" around. I get to know the patient, and their families, which is why I do what I do...people.


Anyway, I digress...while I love my job, there are aspects of it that I completely despise. I think a lot of it has to do with the things that I didn't expect. I absolutely despise the political part of my job, the whole, bottom line. I know that it's a business and that we have to make money in order to do that, we have to have the business part. The worst thing is, the patients are the ones that get the shaft when it comes to the business part, which sucks. There's not a whole lot that I can do about it, unless I decide to go to school, perhaps for political science, and become a lobbyist...but that's not in the cards, it's not my thing. I'm a people person, not a politician...My mind doesn't work that way. I've considered getting a healthcare management degree but that wouldn't fix it because I would still be powerless. 


There are parts of it that I don't understand. I don't understand some of the attitudes that nurses have. Essentially, there's a pervasive attitude that we're the bottom of the food chain, and as nurses, we sort of perpetuate that. I don't know, it's just strange. It seems as though, at least from what I can see, the nurses don't take credit for what they do...and they take everyone's crap. I don't get it. I'm not saying that nurses are perfect but we are smart, strong, and good at what we do, yet we take no credit for it. We also feel like we have to pick up other people's slack, without taking any credit for it and then we have to take their crap as well. Especially the doctors, it seems as though we're not "allowed" to stand up for ourselves when it comes to them, that we must "stroke their ego" if you will, and let them "dress us down" regardless of whether or not we were in the wrong. I don't know, I just don't understand why we can't take credit for being smart and knowing what we do and being confident about it, even as new nurses. I'm not saying that I am smarter than the doctors, I'm not, but I'm just as smart as they are, just in a different way. Doctors and nurses come at things from two different angles, we look at the patient differently. 


I guess some of my problem is that I was very idealistic about nursing and I had certain expectations that aren't necessarily being met. I love my job, I love the patient care. I just expected it to be different and I can't really put my finger on what I expected versus what it actually is. I've talked to other nurses that I work with, and they said they had the same experience...so what is it? I don't really know what I expected, this just isn't it necessarily. It's not that I don't like nursing, I do. Maybe I'm not in the right specialty, that could be part of it, but I think there's more. I just don't know what. 


I'm not going to quit being a nurse, I can't imagine not doing this, I just have to figure out what's missing, at least in my mind and fix it...so here I go.